My YOU University Experience

Before I discovered Maia and YOU University I had been doing a lot of soul searching and really trying to figure out just who I am and what I really wanted in my life. I felt like I was hanging on to the edge of a cliff by my fingernails and that if “something” didn’t change for me soon, I wasn’t sure I could stand it or if I wanted to even bother anymore. I had been feeling this great sense of loss and confusion for a very long time, but especially for the most recent couple of years after having experienced a complete nervous breakdown. I would say that this was my very lowest point emotionally, physically and spiritually and that it was taking me a very long time to recuperate from that breakdown. It was sort-of a combination of mid-life, empty nest syndrome, major life-transition STUFF. I was buried in it.

After lots of counseling just following the breakdown, working very hard on making my marriage work after an affair, finding my faith in a Higher Power again and slowly regaining some dignity and strength, I found a program based on the Law of Attraction. The founder of this program asked me to assist her in launching her new business as she was transferring from California to Oregon and was completely new to the area. It felt good for me at the time because I needed to have purpose and I really was drawn to what she was teaching about The Law of Attraction. I had been reading and researching The Law of Attraction and was inspired and excited about it. I discovered though, that the principals were not working for me – no matter how I applied myself. Something was missing. I didn’t like the way I felt when the founder would ask me a question and after sharing my thoughts, if they were at all negative, she would tell me to stop right there. She told me that nothing in my past mattered in the least… she didn’t want to hear my story at all. She said that all that mattered was to attract what I want NOW. Although part of this rang true for me because I certainly did not want to dwell on negative thoughts (which is what came up automatically for me because of my past), her words made me feel very small and insignificant as a person. When she told me to ‘stop’ sharing my story, the words cut like a knife. The last thing I wanted or needed was to feel even worse about myself than I had already been feeling! I knew I had to keep looking for something that would help me to get beyond where I was so I could allow myself to get to where I wanted to be!!

My whole life seemed to rest on whatever I could find that would help me move beyond all the pain, shame, fear, grief, and anger that had built up in me over all my life. I wanted to like myself, to find some semblance of good in myself and my life! I truly struggled to see anything good or right and the “happy, good moments” were much too short lived. I was so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired! I was craving something, anything… I just wasn’t sure what that was exactly.

That’s when I discovered the journal engine through a post I read on Facebook and began to share with ‘virtual strangers’ some things I had not been able to share with anyone, other than my counselor before. I read the other member’s journals and started to feel really comfortable on the site. I began to really explore the entire site and loved what I was reading about YOU University. I had to know more and contacted the coach whose post on Facebook drew me to the journal engine. She answered my questions and suggested I speak with the founder, Maia Berens, a woman she completely admired and was excited to refer me to.

There was something about this program that spoke to me. It was as if it was written just for me and I loved The Three Magic Secrets movie. What I read and heard from Maia spoke to my heart and appealed to my senses. I couldn’t stop talking about it with my husband and my kids… I was feeling an excitement I had not felt in a very long time. After my call with Maia, I knew I didn’t want to wait any longer to begin this journey and my husband supported that decision – as long as I was willing to find a way to pay for it. I decided I would work part time to pay for the program and apply whole-heartedly in my efforts to heal and to find myself.

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Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free - a free self-help ebook!

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As I started going through the exercises, I began to learn new ways to deal with emotions I had always tried to escape from or cover up. Accepting that Life is a School was a big AHA for me and learning powerful tools to use when I started to resist or feel ‘stuck’ in emotions slowly began to change my entire perspective. A couple of the most profound tools for me – tools I will continue to use for life are the MONSTER Letters, LOVE Letters and the Find-the-Gift Exercises. Writing my ‘life story’ in the way it was done and referring back to it throughout my journey was HUGE. What I discovered is that the story, as I wrote it, has evolved for me. I moved out of the victim mentality I had taken on as a little girl and carried with me my whole life, from an infant to a 45 year old woman!! I learned the power of gratitude, of having friends-in-deed, of forgiveness. I would never have believed I would ever be able to say that I truly forgive my father for the abuse my family and I endured at his hands – physical, sexual and emotional abuse. I certainly never even realized that the person I most needed to forgive was ME! I learned to love myself just as I am and to accept the little girl inside who needed to be accepted and nurtured for who she was all along. I learned that I had no reason to be ashamed for my past, for not knowing what I didn’t know. I learned to view my father and others who had ‘victimized’ me in a new light as well!

I also learned the importance of setting healthy boundaries. To be self-loving created a whole new mindset and allowed me to take off the ‘rose-colored’ glasses, be completely real and be okay with that. I have so much more respect for MYSELF and it allows me to be a better wife, mom, friend and co-worker. I discovered who my true friends are and who I needed to leave behind too. I learned that I DO want to be healthy and absolutely deserve to be! I learned that I AM valuable as a person and that my passion is to help others discover their own value. 

I made the decision to put my real estate career behind me for good, quit working the part time job that supported me through YOU University and to make my passion a reality. I am now a full-time life coach and very excited about this decision!

This journey saved my life, literally. I love Maia and her beautiful, life transforming, emotion-based coaching program - YOU University! I am very proud to represent YOU University as a life coach. I have seen, first-hand, my life and the lives of others completely shift and transform. It is a beautiful thing!

Gina Bendel, YOU University Life Coach

My past work experience & learning have led me to exactly where I am meant to be...

When I look back over the many "hats" I've worn in the working world, the first thing that comes to mind is "WOW, I sure was reaching out to find ME!" I remember when I was in high school and about to graduate, I envisioned myself as a 'corporate executive type' meaning I saw myself working in a big city, high rise building, dressed to the 'nth', large and in charge! I always envisioned making a difference in a major way somehow... I didn't consider that I lived in a small town, worked at a pizza parlor, relied on my boyfriend for transportation... I was a big dreamer and I didn't know my own worth.   

Well, I turned down an opportunity and a scholarship to a great university the minute my boyfriend proposed to me and decided, then and there, that my career was to be a great wife and focus on starting a family instead! (Who needs a college education or career? I was in love you know!)

I did get married, shortly after graduation and barely 18. I quit my job at the pizza parlor because it interfered with the plans David & I had to spend every possible second together! I went to work making a 'home' out of David's bachelor pad and put my energy towards starting a family - our first was born almost 2 years in to our marriage. I put all my energy into being Mom and did this full time until my 2nd child was almost 3 - then I was going stir crazy to do something "For ME" and decided to go back to school because one of my best friends was going to do that. We figured we could carpool and go through the nursing program together. David worked nights so he stayed home with the kids. Perfect!

Having 2 toddlers and going to school full time took it's toll. The nursing program wasn't a fit for me after all. I loved the idea of helping people and thought it would be a noble career, but I couldn't deal with the chemical fumes in the lab and the intensive courses in Anatomy & Physiology on top of the general ed requirements PLUS taking care of 2 little ones was more than I could really handle. Turns out I could use most of the general ed (such as microcomputers, speech, and accounting) towards a business degree which I knew, already, that I would excel in. The load was much lighter and I enjoyed the courses. And though I couldn't convince myself that I was capable of any more than this, I had no problem convincing my friend that she was perfectly capable and spent a lot of time helping her with her homework and studying for exams. She did get her nursing degree, by the way!

I realize now the blessings - I may not have decided to go back to school at all if it had not been for my friend choosing to go - thus the biggest reason for choosing nursing. My real skills were in business and I still did have the picture of myself in the corporate world in some capacity or another. Seemed the perfect solution at the time. So I attended for almost 3 years then discovered I was pregnant with my youngest daughter - and completed that year - never going back. It was apparent to us then that no job I would get could even pay the costs of daycare so I postponed any idea of working outside of the home. Turns out that it was a very good decision because a year later we ended up adopting our almost 4 year old niece when my sister passed away. She was high needs having been born addicted to drugs and living a pretty hellish life until her mom, my sister died from a drug overdose. It was important to me that I was available to her and all our kids as they transitioned within our changing family dynamics. I was coaching then, but didn't realize it.

When all of the kids were in school, I started my own home-based businesses. I had a word-processing business, tried Amway, became a distributor of health and nutrition products and grew an organization of about 1500 distributors who I trained and worked with over the phone - people all over the US. It was very fulfilling and I was closer to my original vision of myself, except that I was working from home. The best part of the job was the people. I loved inspiring, motivating and cheering them on in their own endeavors! These businesses eventually died out though. In fact the health and nutrition business was one that I was heartbroken about leaving behind, but the founder of that organization was arrested for fraud from a previous business endeavor and I ended up walking away before it was publicly announced. I couldn't continue to represent a company in which the founder was capable of such things! That was a huge disappointment, yet also was serious growth for me in learning how to work for myself and be profitable at it. Yet, I was devastated enough at the time that I decided to go to work outside of the home. I needed to feel grounded in some way again. The kids were all in school full-time now so the timing was good.

I went to work as an activities director at a local nursing home - very rewarding actually. My good friend who had completed her nursing degree convinced me to try it. I loved working with the elderly and people struggling with Alzheimer's. Many had no family to visit with them. I loved to hear their stories and making them feel good. I know that I brought joy and light to some of these people, but what I got in return was priceless. Turns out this was the most rewarding job I ever had, but I still yearned to work for myself so I could have the flexibility I desired around my kid's chaotic schedules of sports & music events, etc.

After about 6 months at the nursing home, I was then introduced to a woman who helped me land a nice state job working with teachers of the deaf & hard of hearing, visually impaired and autistic children as well as occupational and physical therapists. Strange that I was now using both the nursing skills & business education in this new position. The beauty of this was that the schedule was based on the school schedules so I now could be home whenever my kids were - including spring break and summers off. I did this for 6 years up until my youngest was a junior in high school. I also worked for a short time taking care of an elderly woman (her daughter was my daughter's teacher at the middle school) during the summer months until she finally had to go into a nursing facility due to increasing dementia. Funny how one thing just automatically led to another at just the right time. I still yearned to have my own business though. I was constantly looking for the right opportunity.

In the fall of 2004, we were in the process of selling our home - which took 3 weeks from the time we put a sign in our yard until closing - when a new Realtor came by to introduce herself and see if we needed her assistance. She seemed so excited with her new career and I had to know what was required to become a licensed Realtor. After all, I had just sold my own home fairly simply... how hard could it be right? I learned later how hard it could be, but suffice it to say I was intrigued enough to go get my license and practiced real estate over the past 4 years.    What I loved about the job was the systems, the flexibility, the professionalism, but mostly teaching others. What I hated about the job was that it was hard to remain excited about the industry with the current economy. People can be very difficult & high stress during the home buying or selling process. I often felt helpless to alleviate their fears in this economic downturn we were experiencing in the housing industry. I was in the middle of serious depression and feeling as if this was no longer a healthy career choice for me.

I want to help people in a way that is meaningful in a more profound way. Now I am starting my new career as a life coach. Many arrows pointed me in this direction over the years - I know that I am in the right place at just the right time. All I have learned and am learning has brought me to this place. YOU University came into my life at the most desperate of times in my search for ME. I am blessed to have FINALLY discovered who I am and what my calling is. I have been coaching for as long as I can remember - in many walks as mother, business owner, assistant... I have been training my entire life to be a Life Coach and now am finally going to live my passion!     

Click here to watch a beautiful movie created by my amazing life coach, Maia!

Superwoman? Remember Self-Care!

Part of my constant learning is around my tendency to be a workaholic and play the "Superwoman" in all areas of my life. I tend to go on a tangent and forget to be self-caring.

Somewhere along the line I got this idea in my head that "anything worth doing was worth doing well" and took it to literally mean that I had to live, breath, eat and sleep whatever I decide needs to be done well. Whether it is in work, taking care of my family and/or friends... What I end up doing is sabotaging my own health and then crash. It's like I forget that I'm only one person or something!

The truth is, if I simply listen to my body and what it is telling me, I know what I need and feel better for taking care of myself. I also reap the benefits of more focus, energy and enthusiasm to carry me through the many things I want to accomplish instead of feeling exhausted or depressed or anxious and not really getting anywhere with the tasks at hand.

I see that I am not the only woman to fall into this trap. As women, often times we think we need to be "everything to all people" and put ourselves last on our list of "To Do's". What a terrible burden we put on ourselves!

I have to remind myself regularly that I am just as important as everything and everyone else I care about. I truly cannot be effective at any one thing when I spread myself too thin. It serves no purpose to be unhealthy, unfocused and totally stressed out by trying to take care of everything and everyone else's needs before my own. In fact, it has the opposite effect and causes unnecessary harm for me and for others!

I have learned the importance of putting myself first. It is in doing so that I CAN be more efficient wherever I choose to put my focus and energy. When I get my needs met, physically-emotionally-spiritually, it becomes much easier and less stressful to accomplish the things I want to do. The beauty is, the people around me reap the benefits of a happier, healthier me too!

Choose to take care of yourself first!!

My Growing Emotional Intelligence

My Emotional Intelligence was based on fear as a little girl.  Fear of being hit, molested, belittled, ridiculed... fear of watching my siblings being abused.. fear of hearing violence.  I learned very quickly that it was okay for me to smile and laugh, but not okay to be sad or angry or any other emotion really.  To even hint at one of these was the best way to get more of what I feared. 

It stands to reason that I would learn how to stuff these 'undesirable' emotions and to sweep them under the rug.  I carried the pain of that burden through to my relationships with my friends, my classmates, my husband, my co-workers and my children.  To say that I came to YOU U with no self-esteem, no self-love, lots of guilt & shame, pent up anger and bitterness...  that is an understatement!!  I did not know who Gina was - not even a clue. 

Thus my reason for searching and finally discovering YOU University.  To proudly admit that I have learned my value, my self-worth, my gifts by using the tools which taught me how to express these emotions in a healthy and constructive way is a Fact and a BLESSING!   And even better, to learn how to LOVE myself and find FORGIVENESS in myself and in others is PRICELESS.  This program has changed my view of life and transformed me from a seriously depressed, anxious shell of a woman into the woman I was born to be.  For that, I am eternally grateful!

Words... Let Them Empower YOU!

I am feeling so blessed!  I realize, after reading this week's topic, that the conversations I have been having with myself and people around me have been very empowering.  I remember that not so long ago I had such a negative dialogue going on all the time!!   My self-talk was filled with "should" and always questioning myself in such a demeaning way... I spent precious time worrying about what others thought of me and allowed people to walk all over me and take advantage of me... I saw a bleak future and didn't appreciate the here and now... The list could go on and on!!

Lately, I began to take real notice of the things I was telling myself and it's been very important to me to listen to myself and correct any negative dialogue going on.  I can see that it ABSOLUTELY HAS made an impact on my moods, my conversations with others, my ability to attract what I desire into my existence!

I am so grateful that I have been given the tools I now have whenever I start to tell myself that "I can't" do something or that "I should" do something.  These statements brought me nothing.  When I consciously tell myself that I CAN and I WILL along with my focus to attract more of what I want and dismiss that which I don't want or no longer need... well the possibilities are limitless!

Since starting YOU University and choosing to focus on positive self-talk, I have gained:

1. a better, more amazing marriage
2. a job which is in better alignment with who I am and what I want to accomplish.
3. the confidence in myself that I thought I would never see.
4. the ability to set healthy boundaries.
5. the tools that have taught me how to love myself.
6. true friendships with people who value the REAL ME.
7. JOY, HEALING, and soooo much more!

This is no accident. I know that it is true that what we speak comes to life - both good and bad. I choose good!

More on friends

Speaking of friends...  This beautiful photo was taken by one of my Facebook friends, Bill Van Velzer, who lives in Oregon.  His photos and artwork are so beautiful!

I am really excited about this coming week! I get to start out my Monday morning meeting for breakfast with a really talented, beautiful friend of mine. Marnie always has something exciting to share and is instrumental many times in getting my creative juices going! She is the marketing director for a local title & escrow company as well as a local artist and I just love her energy and enthusiasm for her work and for her friends. It will be a great start to my busy week.

On Thursday I will be meeting for lunch with another of my real estate friends that I got to know when I was at Re/Max. He is funny and intelligent and down to earth. I am looking forward to catching up with him. It's been a few months already since we have seen each other. He had asked me to be a part of his real estate team some time ago and, although I elected to pursue other endeavors, he has been very supportive and encouraging to me - he is one of my greatest fans. :)

Friday I will be going to the coast with 5 other lady friends to stay at a beautiful little ocean front cabin for the weekend. It's been a couple of years since I've enjoyed a 'ladies retreat' so I am really excited about it. 

I am sure there will be beach combing, shopping at all of the little bay-front stores, great food, wine and lots of laughter. I feel incredibly blessed to have friends to have asked me to join them on 

this excursion!

Upon returning from our little retreat, I will be heading directly to a local pizza parlor where I have reserved a room for 30 guests and, along with one of my daughter's good friends, will be throwing my daughter a baby shower. It will be fun because it is husbands & children included. Angela will be having our 2nd 

grandchild at the end of May / early June. 

His name will be Logan.    

So much to look forward to!!!

Choosing Healthy Relationships

I spent some time over the past couple of days "un-friending" people on Facebook and it felt really good! I had been thinking about it for a while and realized that it was long overdue. Time to 'clean house' you could say! I noticed that many 'friended' me as a potential referral and I had done the same for a time. Some of these have become great business 'partners' and we do refer to each other; some started up chats with me and we ended up really enjoying each others 'company.' I choose to keep these networking friends.
 

But there were many that I either never heard from or discovered over a period of time that I didn't particularly 'like' due to the things they wrote about. Some, I believe, were only interested in constantly trying to sell me something and some only wanted more friends to play online games with. These 'friends' served no purpose, so they were easy to 'un-friend'.

Funny, I really have taken a good, hard look at the people I surround myself with lately... even online. What I have discovered is that I really do have many great friends!!

I thought about lots of 'mini' conversations that have taken place over the last several months with my online network of friends and realize that each of them inspires me in some way. After meeting online and over a period of time, I created some really great 'working' relationships with so many from all walks of life and have had the privilege of finally meeting many of these amazing people in person. I truly feel blessed.

I am pleased with my ability to be true to myself, set my personal boundaries, and simply enjoy the friends I want to surround myself with. It is worth every moment of self-reflection I have done to know that the friends I choose to keep are truly worthy of my time and energy.

Meet my amazing life coach and mentor Maia Berens. 

Are you building healthy relationships?

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Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free - a free self-help ebook!

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My Friends-In-Deed

So interesting... I just happened to complete an exercise about friends... who in my circle are friends-in-deed - as well as those I have let go because they are toxic in my life.

It is so true that we can become "who we associate with". I am proud to say that I have done much work in this area over the last year or so. I had to let go of a couple of friendships as well as family ties that were literally sucking the life out of me. What I am left with, instead, are my TRUE friends... the ones I know would be there for me in the good times and the bad, just as I would be there for them in a heartbeat!

There was a time that I had such a low self-esteem I really allowed my 'friends' to walk all over me. "Friends" I have known almost my entire life, as well as a couple I had known for a shorter period of time, who I allowed to take advantage of me regularly and who left me drained with their negativity. They are now simply acquaintances I am polite around if I happen to see them. I didn't want to admit any of this when I first realized it either. I just wanted so badly to be their friend and went out of my way to please them. This was very self-defeating on my part.

Don't get me wrong... these are wonderful people. It just became obvious that I was not as important to them as I believed they were to me.

I got to a point in my life where I began to value myself enough to take a good, hard look at these "friends" & family members. I realized that I was better off without them. Friends don't ignore your calls and leave you hanging until they need something. Friends rejoice in your blessings and lift you when you are down.

The friends I have 'let go of' were not this kind of friend. They were mostly self-absorbed. You know, it was always about their needs, their pain, their problems, their negativity. I could meet with one of these friends and start out feeling very cheerful and glad to see them but in just a short time would notice that I suddenly felt weary, drained, down... No amount of 'cheerfulness and positivity' was going to make a difference for these naysayers. I worked too hard to keep them uplifted and in the process fell into their pit of despair. TOXIC, to say the least!

I choose to surround myself with people who really love me. I choose to have mutually satisfying relationships with people who inspire me & encourage me & are honest with me when I need them to be. These people expect the same from me and I gladly reciprocate.

By making the conscious decision to choose my close circle of friends and family, I honor myself. The others are still in my life from a distance, by my choice. I still love them - but I no longer allow them to suck the life out of me. I choose to relate to them differently - for short periods of time and on a less intimate basis.

Learn more about this amazing journey through YOU University and start journaling for FREE today!

What I've Learned So Far Through You University

I had been searching for quite some time before finding You University. I had spent years feeling out of control and not knowing how to express my feelings in a healthy way. My way of 'dealing' was by sweeping things under the rug, pretending that everything was fine, until I would blow up. The way I blew up was by going into deep depression mode. This up and down stuff was taking over my very being. I would stuff things and that would cause my body to shut down literally. I would get to where I was crying uncontrollably, would not be able to eat, could not sleep... I had serious anxiety over everything.

Since starting You U, I have learned how to process my emotions in a loving, constructive way through Love Letters, Monster Letters, the Find the Gift exercise, Gratitude lists and my Friends in Deed. I have learned to recognize signs early on by my physical feelings and can now begin the process of self-love and using the tools before things get so out of control.

I have learned how to communicate more effectively - especially the communication I have with MYSELF. I am learning to love myself again... the REAL me, not the person I always thought I had to be for someone else. That's HUGE.

I have gone from feeling hopeless and unworthy to happy, hopeful and thrilled with the woman I am becoming.

Possibly one of the greatest gifts I have received by going through You University is in learning tools to FORGIVE. For me, to be able to say that I forgive my father for having abused and sexually molested me from the time I was a baby until I was 15... well who would ever think that was possible? I can never forget, of course, but I understand that there were elements of his life that had never been healed - and lessons that he came into my life to teach and to learn. I have forgiven him. But most importantly, I have forgiven myself. Forgiven myself for carrying so much hatred and hurt for so long, for holding on to deep shame and grief. I truly believe that I am a better person for the experiences I have had and that I have so much to offer others who are struggling with the same kind of shame and pain and guilt. I am very grateful for that.
 

Forgiveness and Self-Love

I have been working in Building 7 now in You University.  The focus at this point is on Forgiveness.  The work I am doing at this point has been so profound for me I just really feel compelled to share.  Here is what I wrote in the discussion forum: 

Well, I have only written the positive things I learned from my dad so far and I am brought to tears.  Tears of joy and relief and love and forgiveness!  What an amazing, powerful tool!!  I am excited to get going and write about the positives I have learned from everyone on my original "Resentments" list.  I see so clearly the healing in this exercise for my spirit.  I see that there is positive learning I can attribute to every person I have ever met in my life.  I feel as if I have knocked a one-ton chip off my shoulders!! 

How can I ever say thank you enough for this program?  I have spent so many years working towards finding this kind of emotional freedom - this acceptance of who I am and from where I've come.  I can't imagine what could possibly be next on this journey!! 

I can't believe just how giddy I am right now!  I am actually enjoying this process as I write more and more positive things about all the people and institutions I listed on my Resentments list.  Seriously, I find myself grinning from ear to ear and on the verge of giggling as I complete each one.  I would never have thought this exercise would bring me such peace and joy!  I love it!!  Wow, the power of forgiveness, especially forgiveness of MYSELF is a heady and spiritual experience for me.  

I truly am blown away with this program and the changes I am experiencing in myself.  If you want to learn more, please email me @ ginabendel.lifecoach@gmail.com and I will be happy to answer any questions you may have. 

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My New Set of Eyes

I had such an enjoyable Friday night with family, but it could have been less so if I still had the mindset I had before starting my journey with You University!

Before I started working with Maia, I had such a toxic internal dialogue going on when it came to certain family members. Whenever there was going to be a family gathering, I would literally feel sick in my gut and in turmoil emotionally. It would take so much out of me that I would be exhausted. Typically, things would turn out just fine, but there was so much history that I had not learned to deal with and I would experience such greif, shame, and anger for things in my family's past, I couldn't see anything positive about having to get together with these people! In fact, it would take several days after such a gathering for me to "pull myself back together again" because it was so draining.

Since starting my life coaching with Maia and You U, I have learned how to process these negative emotions using Love Letters and the Find the Gift tool. I now take responsibility for my feelings and internal dialogue. Instead of dreading seeing these family members, I can now look forward to visiting with them, opening myself up to learning more about who they are and what makes them tick. It's actually very freeing because I know I have the choice to do this. I could simply avoid them, but what I really want is to develop relations with them coming from my new perspective.

Needless to say, it is with a "new set of eyes" that I met up with some of these family members last night. I thoroughly enjoyed my time with them. The things that seemed to be so problematic for me before just were not an issue. I am so grateful for learning what I have and applying the 3 Magic Secrets in my life. I just love this journey through You U and all that is happening for me because of it!

You, too, can:

• Expand your love and your acceptance of who you are
• Discover the REAL you
• Learn to forgive yourself and others
• Learn to let go of shame & guilt

Learn more about You University Here

What is Heaven?

From my recent journal entry on All About Life Coaching Dot Com   I was asked to write about my thoughts on "Heaven".   If you would like to hear the song I refer to, click here.

When I think of "heaven" it reminds me of a song by Mercy Me that I sing joyfully and which chokes me up every time.

"I can only imagine what it will be like when I walk by Your side.
I can only imagine what my eyes will see when Your face is before me.
I can only imagine...I can only imagine.

(chorus): Surrounded by Your Glory,
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in Your Presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Hallelujah -
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine... I can only imagine...

I can only imagine when that day comes
And I find myself standing in the Son.
I can only imagine when all I will do,
Is forever, forever worship you...
I can only imagine. (repeat chorus)"

Such a powerful song!

When I envision my heaven, I feel no pain, no stress, no worry, no hunger, no thirst for anything ~ I will feel only pure, unconditional LOVE, peace and joy. I imagine feeling as if I have come home, finally, and can rest in eternal bliss and warmth and light.

I see myself surrounded by all the souls I've known throughout the life I've just experienced and throughout eternity. I envision perfect beauty ~ God's creation, not man-made. Awe-inspiring, breathtaking beauty, more beautiful and magnificent than anything I've seen here on earth.

I believe that my experience will be unique to me ~ the Utopia that only I could ever create. I will SEE more clearly like I've never seen and always wanted to, KNOW more fully like I've never known and always wanted to, FEEL more deeply like I've never felt and always wanted to and LOVE more intensely like I've never loved but always wanted to.

This will be a place especially created for me, from my own eternal deep desires and creativity within. A precious gift given by my Creator. Too perfect, too beautiful, too delicious for words.

Finding Serenity... How Can I Quiet My Mind?

From my All About Life Coaching journal written on Friday, 3/11/11:

So truth be told, I was the happiest, most alive person I encountered today!  

This morning started out with a little task I promised myself I would do right away to 'clear the mental junk'. I took a notepad and jotted down every single thing that just popped into my mind. Ugh, simply amazing how much this head of mine holds in terms of random thoughts at any one time ~ no wonder I struggle with quieting it so that I can gain any focus or clarity!  Lol

Anyway, I had mentioned that I was struggling with this recently and feeling like it has been a monumental task to feel 'serene'. My coach Maia suggested I give the above a try and record what I experienced by doing so.

What I experienced after about 10 minutes of this exercise was the mental capacity to think clearly! I felt peaceful and self assured. How easy is that? Loved it and will be doing more of it for sure. I had been in the habit of writing lists which certainly helped in the process of getting my mind decluttered, but this was even better. By the time I got on to our group call this morning, I felt re-energized and ready to absorb more!

The call, of course, was fabulous ~ empowering, enlightening and affirming as usual. On our call today I learned that I need to trust my intuition more and just jump in when my gut tells me to rather than simply wait for 'my turn'.

The rest of my day, so far, has been filled with household to-do's which I didn't feel the need to procrastinate any longer. Felt productive and accomplished and joyous to have the energy and mindfulness to get things done. Now I am enjoying some time to journal and listening to my husband and son chatting away while they cook a spaghetti dinner for us. I feel very happy, very alive in the present. Gotta love it!

Zest For Life

I love to spend time with my 21 month old granddaughter Audrey. She is filled with joy and exudes happiness, excitement and love of life. It is quite contagious and I honestly wish that I could spend more time with her because of the way she makes everyone around her feel.

She is no different, really, than all little people that age. Just spend time really observing these little ones who can remind us of all that is right and good in this world! Oh to have that enthusiasm and zest for the simplest things!

Just watching her react to the world around her is priceless. Recently we had the opportunity to spend an afternoon with Audrey and I think the smile I wore was stuck like glue the entire time we were with her! It's funny actually, my cheeks were really tender the whole next day!

Audrey is at the age where she copies literally everything she sees and hears. She was looking out the picture window and saw a group of people standing outside talking. She was so animated as she pretended she was actually a participant in that group. She carried on a full-fledged conversation complete with nods of the head, laughter when she noticed they were laughing, hand gestures - the whole gambut. It was so sweet and hilarious to watch!

Love - Gotta Love It!

LOVE ~ the most amazing 4 letter word in the Universe. It is a language we all understand and could never be too full of!

I love my husband because he is my best friend, my lover, my support and my rock. We have been married for 27 years - since I was just barely 18 and he just 20 years old. We have grown together and have experienced many highs and many lows, but always with the understanding that our marriage will always be important enough to work hard at. He is the father of our kids and the grandfather of our granddaughter and grandson-to-be. I am blessed to be his wife.

I love each of my adult kids for different reasons. Let's just say that they are all a peice of my heart walking outside of myself but forever attached to my very being.

Each of them is an amazing person that I truly feel blessed to have had the honor of being "Mom" to. I am lucky enough to have them all close to me and feel great about my relationship with 3 of them right now. The 4th will come around when she is ready, I'm sure!

Angela is my oldest. She is 25 and married to a wonderful young man, Geoff, she met in the Navy. They have a little girl, Audrey, who is 20 months old and a baby boy due in June. I am always amazed at her intuition & insight and am proud of the mommy she is to Audrey. I admire her for being able to be so outspoken and honest. She plans to work in the medical/business field when her kids are in school and is working on her bachelors degree online with her GI Bill.

Brandon is 24 and has taught me about perseverance, hard work, and forgiveness. I am forever learning from him in ways that always surprise me and humbles me as well. He has had many life lessons himself recently and is just beginning to 'start over' at this point. I am proud of the young man he is becoming after all he's been through because of bad decisions in the past. And he makes me laugh so hard with his sense of humor!!

Alicia is our adopted daughter (neice who we adopted when she was 4). She is 23 now. She is creative, beautiful and very independent. Her eye for art and ability to take what she sees and paint it onto a canvas is incredible! I believe I still have much to learn from her. We don't see her or hear from her much these days which breaks my heart, but I know that she has many lessons of her own to discover right now. She truly is trying to 'find' herself and has her own journey.

My youngest, Mandi, is 19 and trying out independence. I really am proud of her. She has always been the quiet, contemplative one in the family. She is determined to be independent and works full time. She is an animal lover and went to a pet grooming academy for a year before getting her job at a local "Doggie day care". She amazes me with her patience and gentle way.

It was so much fun and so much craziness and stress when they were all teenagers, but I do miss that chaos at times!
I have great love for many co-workers & friends who help define me and remind me of the person I am outside of being a wife and mother. They cheer me on professionally & personally, laugh with me for no apparent reason, cry with me when life throws a curve and pray with me whenever we feel the need.

I love my life coach and the amazing ladies who have joined with me on the most incredible journey I've ever had the priviledge to discover... my wise fairy godmother and beautiful friends-in-deed. We share conversations and feelings with each other that others may not care to hear about or understand. I am undeniably grateful and blessed by them.

I love the work I am doing right now to heal from old wounds and to build up and empower the person inside that I was created to be. I love the lessons learned by the many times I have fallen which have helped me to become who I am today. I love the friends who have come and gone in my life for the same reason. I love myself more with each day that I awaken to the real me.    :)

Could there ever be too much love on this planet? I think not. I am excited to get this wonderful topic to journal about this week!

What Do I Want?

As I seek to define my purpose, I am reminded of a list I recently wrote to myself when asked "What Do You Want?" I will share it here. Perhaps within this list is the beginnings of discovering my true purpose.

What do I want?

I want to be filled with God, light, energy and Love
I want to earn an income sufficient so that David can retire early if he chooses to do so.
I want to leave a legacy of positive energy and love.
I want to write my life story and what I have learned to give my family.
I want to help others learn WHO they truly are, to become empowered and to love themselves.
I want to sing in a choir and become involved with music in my community.
I want to enjoy more time traveling, and in nature.
I want to travel to Ireland, Italy, and the tropical vacation resorts around the world.
I want to be able to support myself and feel independent for my own personal gratification and fulfillment.
I want to love myself unconditionally.
I want to forgive my father, mother, and others who have hurt me in the past, but especially to forgive myself.
I want to share the love of God.
I want to live near my children and grandchildren and be there for them emotionally when they need me to be.
I want to live my life of passion and purpose.
I want to break the cycles of abuse and dysfunction I received as a child.
I want to encourage my children and grandchildren to love themselves and their lives and to be happy.
I want to be grateful for all I've learned in life and give thanks to God for each and every blessing.
I want to be healthy ~ physically, spiritually and emotionally.
Since writing this list, I am already beginning to see some of these items happening for me. It is my work through You U which has made the difference. I can now focus on what my purpose truly is ~

Healing The Past

Posted recently in my All About Life Coaching Journaling Community:

As I work through Building 4 in You University, I am slowly growing in my ability to find the gifts and blessings in all of the negative junk in my past. What I am noticing is that I am feeling lighter and lighter in releasing the 'old story'. I am learning to look at my life in a whole new light and it feels so great!

An example of this is that for so many years I felt like I was bad, stained, unworthy of real love. I had internalized the physical, emotional and sexual abuse I endured as being something I didn't stop and therefore must have deserved. I had been telling myself that if I was good and worthy of real love, this would not have happened to me. I was punishing myself for something that truly was not my fault. This was my old story... What gifts or blessings did I find in this?

Well, there are so many really! I have learned how to be empathetic and understanding towards others who have experienced childhood traumas similar to mine. This makes me approachable and I feel I have a gift for communicating and helping others in a very positive and loving way.

I am stronger for having endured and for having recognized that I could stop the patterns of abuse that had been handed down for generations. It has made me a much better mother for having the courage to look for better role models to pattern my parenting skills after. I learned to recognize the difference and fought to protect my family from the patterns of abuse I had endured. I learned that not every man was abusive and learned to trust again.

The blessings and gifts are really too many to list, but I admit that when I first started this assignment, it was a HUGE stretch for me to look beyond the victim role and find anything positive from the abuse I experienced. What I discovered is that by persisting to find those gifts, I began to notice that it began to snowball. In other words, I discovered a gift, one small thing, and it made me realize another, then another and so on... By finding the gifts and blessings, I was blessed with finding more & more!

Amazing healing has occured for me by being able to find the gifts rather than focusing on the toxic negative part of my experience. I am now beginning to notice that these painful memories are starting to have much less negative impact. I am truly putting the victim to rest!! Woohoo!!

Defining My Purpose

My recent journal entry on http://allaboutlifecoaching.com/life-coaching-blog

Wow, to define my purpose... My instincts tell me that my purpose is to touch people with my ability to mirror that which they cannot see in themselves. How? That is harder for me to define, but I want to say that the 'how' will be revealed to me as I continue on my own personal journey of healing. I truly believe that if I will only be true to myself and just be ME... my gifts will shine and reach those whose lives I am meant to impact.

I believe that I am a great listener and have a natural ability to put others at ease. I have great empathy for people who are 'searching for their true passion, their purpose, their true selves'. By my own personal story and stories of others I have love & respect for and learned so much from, I can lead by example and by heartfelt sharing as I continue to learn thru my own journey.

I believe that to contribute to society as a whole starts with making a positive difference one person at a time ~ we can change the world for the better by touching just one person who, in turn, will impact the people in his/her life in a positive way. That is huge! I dream of a world filled with people loving people, for LOVE of oneself and others is, I believe, the key. To be a part of that is my goal ~ one person at a time.

Recently my life coach, Maia Berens, asked me to describe how You University has changed my life in the couple of months since I started my journey.  Following is my response:

Since making the decision to join You University, my life has changed for the better in the following ways:

• I am more aware of the physical manifestation of feelings that are not being expressed in a loving and healthy way.
• I realize when I need to use tools given to me through You U...
• I am beginning to really notice my thoughts - when I begin to see old "negative" thought patterns, I immediately begin to think "what tool would be best for me right now?" This helps me to shift more towards loving, positive thoughts more quickly.
• I am beginning to really look for ways to be more loving to myself - purposely choosing to take care of ME.
• I am definitely seeing and following my intuitive side much more than I was.
• Those closest to me are seeing the difference. I have had more people approach me to find out what it is that I am doing. I believe that it is obvious to others that I am feeling better about myself - even if they cannot really pinpoint what it is they are seeing. I know that I am sending out more positive thoughts and it shows.
• I am beginning to take steps necessary for better health.. I have started meditating, am drinking more water and have made the decision to quit smoking. I have researched and gathered information to help me in getting healthier.
• I am no longer afraid to fail - I realize now that life truly is a school and that I create what is manifested in my life. I will learn something valuable if I don't succeed at something right away.
• I now realize that I need to recognize my willingness or lack thereof and to recommit to my decisions on a daily basis.
• I am excited about my future again!!
• I have learned that I am worthy... HUGE

This is so empowering! I knew that I was changing and growing... I just didn't really think to take stock in it and now realize that the changes and the shifting is much greater than I could have imagined it would be! I truly believe this list could go on...

Visit the FREE journaling community to learn more.

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My journey has only just begun

I am on a journey to discover the real ME.  The journey started the day I was born, but just recently I decided that it was time to look more deeply into "why" I am who I am. 


I began some serious soul searching about 2 years ago when I experienced a nervous breakdown that was the beginning of a new chapter in my life.  I was 43 years old, struggling with mid-life crisis and a fresh 'empty nester'.  I was asking myself some very serious questions about who I am and what I want to do when I grow up!  Now that my 4 grown kids were out on their own adventures, I simply didn't know what my place was on this planet.  I realized I didn't know ME at all!


I began researching several different programs and reading a myriad of books in search of something I could relate to...  something that could help me in discovering my passions, my calling. 


One day I came across a FREE journaling community and began reading people's blogs.  I liked what I was reading.  Real people, from all walks of life - many who were on a similar journey in their lives.  This is where my story begins. 


As I journaled and became more and more familiar with all the information available to me through this site, I uncovered a treasure.  An amazing "Fairy Godmother" whose name is Maia Berens came to life for me in her movie and emotion-based coaching site, You University.  This blog will be about my experiences as I go through this coaching and train to be a life coach myself. 


Follow me in my journey as I make major transformations in my life from a victim mentality to a woman who is learning to love herself again and discovering the real ME finally!


You, too, can transform your life.  Start here:  FREE Journaling