More on friends

Speaking of friends...  This beautiful photo was taken by one of my Facebook friends, Bill Van Velzer, who lives in Oregon.  His photos and artwork are so beautiful!

I am really excited about this coming week! I get to start out my Monday morning meeting for breakfast with a really talented, beautiful friend of mine. Marnie always has something exciting to share and is instrumental many times in getting my creative juices going! She is the marketing director for a local title & escrow company as well as a local artist and I just love her energy and enthusiasm for her work and for her friends. It will be a great start to my busy week.

On Thursday I will be meeting for lunch with another of my real estate friends that I got to know when I was at Re/Max. He is funny and intelligent and down to earth. I am looking forward to catching up with him. It's been a few months already since we have seen each other. He had asked me to be a part of his real estate team some time ago and, although I elected to pursue other endeavors, he has been very supportive and encouraging to me - he is one of my greatest fans. :)

Friday I will be going to the coast with 5 other lady friends to stay at a beautiful little ocean front cabin for the weekend. It's been a couple of years since I've enjoyed a 'ladies retreat' so I am really excited about it. 

I am sure there will be beach combing, shopping at all of the little bay-front stores, great food, wine and lots of laughter. I feel incredibly blessed to have friends to have asked me to join them on 

this excursion!

Upon returning from our little retreat, I will be heading directly to a local pizza parlor where I have reserved a room for 30 guests and, along with one of my daughter's good friends, will be throwing my daughter a baby shower. It will be fun because it is husbands & children included. Angela will be having our 2nd 

grandchild at the end of May / early June. 

His name will be Logan.    

So much to look forward to!!!

Choosing Healthy Relationships

I spent some time over the past couple of days "un-friending" people on Facebook and it felt really good! I had been thinking about it for a while and realized that it was long overdue. Time to 'clean house' you could say! I noticed that many 'friended' me as a potential referral and I had done the same for a time. Some of these have become great business 'partners' and we do refer to each other; some started up chats with me and we ended up really enjoying each others 'company.' I choose to keep these networking friends.
 

But there were many that I either never heard from or discovered over a period of time that I didn't particularly 'like' due to the things they wrote about. Some, I believe, were only interested in constantly trying to sell me something and some only wanted more friends to play online games with. These 'friends' served no purpose, so they were easy to 'un-friend'.

Funny, I really have taken a good, hard look at the people I surround myself with lately... even online. What I have discovered is that I really do have many great friends!!

I thought about lots of 'mini' conversations that have taken place over the last several months with my online network of friends and realize that each of them inspires me in some way. After meeting online and over a period of time, I created some really great 'working' relationships with so many from all walks of life and have had the privilege of finally meeting many of these amazing people in person. I truly feel blessed.

I am pleased with my ability to be true to myself, set my personal boundaries, and simply enjoy the friends I want to surround myself with. It is worth every moment of self-reflection I have done to know that the friends I choose to keep are truly worthy of my time and energy.

Meet my amazing life coach and mentor Maia Berens. 

Are you building healthy relationships?

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Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free - a free self-help ebook!

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My Friends-In-Deed

So interesting... I just happened to complete an exercise about friends... who in my circle are friends-in-deed - as well as those I have let go because they are toxic in my life.

It is so true that we can become "who we associate with". I am proud to say that I have done much work in this area over the last year or so. I had to let go of a couple of friendships as well as family ties that were literally sucking the life out of me. What I am left with, instead, are my TRUE friends... the ones I know would be there for me in the good times and the bad, just as I would be there for them in a heartbeat!

There was a time that I had such a low self-esteem I really allowed my 'friends' to walk all over me. "Friends" I have known almost my entire life, as well as a couple I had known for a shorter period of time, who I allowed to take advantage of me regularly and who left me drained with their negativity. They are now simply acquaintances I am polite around if I happen to see them. I didn't want to admit any of this when I first realized it either. I just wanted so badly to be their friend and went out of my way to please them. This was very self-defeating on my part.

Don't get me wrong... these are wonderful people. It just became obvious that I was not as important to them as I believed they were to me.

I got to a point in my life where I began to value myself enough to take a good, hard look at these "friends" & family members. I realized that I was better off without them. Friends don't ignore your calls and leave you hanging until they need something. Friends rejoice in your blessings and lift you when you are down.

The friends I have 'let go of' were not this kind of friend. They were mostly self-absorbed. You know, it was always about their needs, their pain, their problems, their negativity. I could meet with one of these friends and start out feeling very cheerful and glad to see them but in just a short time would notice that I suddenly felt weary, drained, down... No amount of 'cheerfulness and positivity' was going to make a difference for these naysayers. I worked too hard to keep them uplifted and in the process fell into their pit of despair. TOXIC, to say the least!

I choose to surround myself with people who really love me. I choose to have mutually satisfying relationships with people who inspire me & encourage me & are honest with me when I need them to be. These people expect the same from me and I gladly reciprocate.

By making the conscious decision to choose my close circle of friends and family, I honor myself. The others are still in my life from a distance, by my choice. I still love them - but I no longer allow them to suck the life out of me. I choose to relate to them differently - for short periods of time and on a less intimate basis.

Learn more about this amazing journey through YOU University and start journaling for FREE today!

What I've Learned So Far Through You University

I had been searching for quite some time before finding You University. I had spent years feeling out of control and not knowing how to express my feelings in a healthy way. My way of 'dealing' was by sweeping things under the rug, pretending that everything was fine, until I would blow up. The way I blew up was by going into deep depression mode. This up and down stuff was taking over my very being. I would stuff things and that would cause my body to shut down literally. I would get to where I was crying uncontrollably, would not be able to eat, could not sleep... I had serious anxiety over everything.

Since starting You U, I have learned how to process my emotions in a loving, constructive way through Love Letters, Monster Letters, the Find the Gift exercise, Gratitude lists and my Friends in Deed. I have learned to recognize signs early on by my physical feelings and can now begin the process of self-love and using the tools before things get so out of control.

I have learned how to communicate more effectively - especially the communication I have with MYSELF. I am learning to love myself again... the REAL me, not the person I always thought I had to be for someone else. That's HUGE.

I have gone from feeling hopeless and unworthy to happy, hopeful and thrilled with the woman I am becoming.

Possibly one of the greatest gifts I have received by going through You University is in learning tools to FORGIVE. For me, to be able to say that I forgive my father for having abused and sexually molested me from the time I was a baby until I was 15... well who would ever think that was possible? I can never forget, of course, but I understand that there were elements of his life that had never been healed - and lessons that he came into my life to teach and to learn. I have forgiven him. But most importantly, I have forgiven myself. Forgiven myself for carrying so much hatred and hurt for so long, for holding on to deep shame and grief. I truly believe that I am a better person for the experiences I have had and that I have so much to offer others who are struggling with the same kind of shame and pain and guilt. I am very grateful for that.