I awoke this morning feeling very heavy, yet aware. I have been in such a state of denial and calling it resistance! I have been undermining my own worth. I have been putting off getting my course created, writing for my blog, creating articles and more. Even as I type this, I am distracted by an incoming text and notifications from FB friends! I recognize this clearly and have been using tools to process my feelings to get to the root. Thankfully, writing love letters, finding the gift, gratitude lists, mirror exercise, pyramid of power and more have given me some clarity that feels good and honoring of who I am.
I know that my business is valuable, beyond measure, so what gives? I believe I have narrowed it down through a process of elimination... It's not that I don't believe in the value of what I have to offer. It's not that I am incapable of writing or creating. It's not about feeling in competition with anyone. It's not a fear of failure or success. I am open to receiving and love that I am attracting the right clients at the right time! I have accepted that it truly is about timing and feeling prepared to present. It is ME - my authentic self!
For some time, I realize, I have been looking at what other people are doing in their businesses and asking in the back of my mind HOW are they getting so much accomplished so quickly? How did they start? How did they know what to prioritize? Etc.... I began to sell myself short - saying to myself that I just am not as organized, not as business-savvy, blah, blah, blah...
What I realize is that, in order for me to feel good and not rushed or stressed or overwhelmed, I am postponing things on purpose. I decided to step back and take the time I need for self care, exploration, to slow things down in such a way that I can really put a meaningful business plan into effect. What I had written as a business plan when I started coaching no longer fits where I am today. It has needed revamping for a couple of years now actually. I guess I thought I could "wing it" without a written business plan or goals with dates. I am now owning up to the fact that I personally need this kind of accountability to myself. So recently I have been reading, watching videos and writing lists of what I need to do to make things flow in a way that is pleasing to me. It isn't on other people's time and really, that's OK! I was attempting to force myself to work in a way that I felt would be pleasing to those I see as being real "go-getters" and was exhausting myself trying to set unrealistic limits on myself. I was not honoring my own capacity and instead was trying to live up to someone else's standards of success.
It feels very good to come to this awareness. I had been feeling "out of sync" for a while and really not able to quite put a finger on what was going on - other than feeling not so productive in the marketing of my business. What I realize is that I have, in fact, been very productive for my purposes and can now clearly see that by my taking the time to create a good business plan, I am well on my way to creating exactly what I picture my business to look like. That feels awesome! Just because others may not see that things are happening or progressing as they might envision it to look like from the outside, doesn't mean that what I am doing now won't manifest into that in powerful ways. I believe it will!
