My YOU University Experience

Before I discovered Maia and YOU University I had been doing a lot of soul searching and really trying to figure out just who I am and what I really wanted in my life. I felt like I was hanging on to the edge of a cliff by my fingernails and that if “something” didn’t change for me soon, I wasn’t sure I could stand it or if I wanted to even bother anymore. I had been feeling this great sense of loss and confusion for a very long time, but especially for the most recent couple of years after having experienced a complete nervous breakdown. I would say that this was my very lowest point emotionally, physically and spiritually and that it was taking me a very long time to recuperate from that breakdown. It was sort-of a combination of mid-life, empty nest syndrome, major life-transition STUFF. I was buried in it.

After lots of counseling just following the breakdown, working very hard on making my marriage work after an affair, finding my faith in a Higher Power again and slowly regaining some dignity and strength, I found a program based on the Law of Attraction. The founder of this program asked me to assist her in launching her new business as she was transferring from California to Oregon and was completely new to the area. It felt good for me at the time because I needed to have purpose and I really was drawn to what she was teaching about The Law of Attraction. I had been reading and researching The Law of Attraction and was inspired and excited about it. I discovered though, that the principals were not working for me – no matter how I applied myself. Something was missing. I didn’t like the way I felt when the founder would ask me a question and after sharing my thoughts, if they were at all negative, she would tell me to stop right there. She told me that nothing in my past mattered in the least… she didn’t want to hear my story at all. She said that all that mattered was to attract what I want NOW. Although part of this rang true for me because I certainly did not want to dwell on negative thoughts (which is what came up automatically for me because of my past), her words made me feel very small and insignificant as a person. When she told me to ‘stop’ sharing my story, the words cut like a knife. The last thing I wanted or needed was to feel even worse about myself than I had already been feeling! I knew I had to keep looking for something that would help me to get beyond where I was so I could allow myself to get to where I wanted to be!!

My whole life seemed to rest on whatever I could find that would help me move beyond all the pain, shame, fear, grief, and anger that had built up in me over all my life. I wanted to like myself, to find some semblance of good in myself and my life! I truly struggled to see anything good or right and the “happy, good moments” were much too short lived. I was so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired! I was craving something, anything… I just wasn’t sure what that was exactly.

That’s when I discovered the journal engine through a post I read on Facebook and began to share with ‘virtual strangers’ some things I had not been able to share with anyone, other than my counselor before. I read the other member’s journals and started to feel really comfortable on the site. I began to really explore the entire site and loved what I was reading about YOU University. I had to know more and contacted the coach whose post on Facebook drew me to the journal engine. She answered my questions and suggested I speak with the founder, Maia Berens, a woman she completely admired and was excited to refer me to.

There was something about this program that spoke to me. It was as if it was written just for me and I loved The Three Magic Secrets movie. What I read and heard from Maia spoke to my heart and appealed to my senses. I couldn’t stop talking about it with my husband and my kids… I was feeling an excitement I had not felt in a very long time. After my call with Maia, I knew I didn’t want to wait any longer to begin this journey and my husband supported that decision – as long as I was willing to find a way to pay for it. I decided I would work part time to pay for the program and apply whole-heartedly in my efforts to heal and to find myself.

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Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free - a free self-help ebook!

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As I started going through the exercises, I began to learn new ways to deal with emotions I had always tried to escape from or cover up. Accepting that Life is a School was a big AHA for me and learning powerful tools to use when I started to resist or feel ‘stuck’ in emotions slowly began to change my entire perspective. A couple of the most profound tools for me – tools I will continue to use for life are the MONSTER Letters, LOVE Letters and the Find-the-Gift Exercises. Writing my ‘life story’ in the way it was done and referring back to it throughout my journey was HUGE. What I discovered is that the story, as I wrote it, has evolved for me. I moved out of the victim mentality I had taken on as a little girl and carried with me my whole life, from an infant to a 45 year old woman!! I learned the power of gratitude, of having friends-in-deed, of forgiveness. I would never have believed I would ever be able to say that I truly forgive my father for the abuse my family and I endured at his hands – physical, sexual and emotional abuse. I certainly never even realized that the person I most needed to forgive was ME! I learned to love myself just as I am and to accept the little girl inside who needed to be accepted and nurtured for who she was all along. I learned that I had no reason to be ashamed for my past, for not knowing what I didn’t know. I learned to view my father and others who had ‘victimized’ me in a new light as well!

I also learned the importance of setting healthy boundaries. To be self-loving created a whole new mindset and allowed me to take off the ‘rose-colored’ glasses, be completely real and be okay with that. I have so much more respect for MYSELF and it allows me to be a better wife, mom, friend and co-worker. I discovered who my true friends are and who I needed to leave behind too. I learned that I DO want to be healthy and absolutely deserve to be! I learned that I AM valuable as a person and that my passion is to help others discover their own value. 

I made the decision to put my real estate career behind me for good, quit working the part time job that supported me through YOU University and to make my passion a reality. I am now a full-time life coach and very excited about this decision!

This journey saved my life, literally. I love Maia and her beautiful, life transforming, emotion-based coaching program - YOU University! I am very proud to represent YOU University as a life coach. I have seen, first-hand, my life and the lives of others completely shift and transform. It is a beautiful thing!

Gina Bendel, YOU University Life Coach

My past work experience & learning have led me to exactly where I am meant to be...

When I look back over the many "hats" I've worn in the working world, the first thing that comes to mind is "WOW, I sure was reaching out to find ME!" I remember when I was in high school and about to graduate, I envisioned myself as a 'corporate executive type' meaning I saw myself working in a big city, high rise building, dressed to the 'nth', large and in charge! I always envisioned making a difference in a major way somehow... I didn't consider that I lived in a small town, worked at a pizza parlor, relied on my boyfriend for transportation... I was a big dreamer and I didn't know my own worth.   

Well, I turned down an opportunity and a scholarship to a great university the minute my boyfriend proposed to me and decided, then and there, that my career was to be a great wife and focus on starting a family instead! (Who needs a college education or career? I was in love you know!)

I did get married, shortly after graduation and barely 18. I quit my job at the pizza parlor because it interfered with the plans David & I had to spend every possible second together! I went to work making a 'home' out of David's bachelor pad and put my energy towards starting a family - our first was born almost 2 years in to our marriage. I put all my energy into being Mom and did this full time until my 2nd child was almost 3 - then I was going stir crazy to do something "For ME" and decided to go back to school because one of my best friends was going to do that. We figured we could carpool and go through the nursing program together. David worked nights so he stayed home with the kids. Perfect!

Having 2 toddlers and going to school full time took it's toll. The nursing program wasn't a fit for me after all. I loved the idea of helping people and thought it would be a noble career, but I couldn't deal with the chemical fumes in the lab and the intensive courses in Anatomy & Physiology on top of the general ed requirements PLUS taking care of 2 little ones was more than I could really handle. Turns out I could use most of the general ed (such as microcomputers, speech, and accounting) towards a business degree which I knew, already, that I would excel in. The load was much lighter and I enjoyed the courses. And though I couldn't convince myself that I was capable of any more than this, I had no problem convincing my friend that she was perfectly capable and spent a lot of time helping her with her homework and studying for exams. She did get her nursing degree, by the way!

I realize now the blessings - I may not have decided to go back to school at all if it had not been for my friend choosing to go - thus the biggest reason for choosing nursing. My real skills were in business and I still did have the picture of myself in the corporate world in some capacity or another. Seemed the perfect solution at the time. So I attended for almost 3 years then discovered I was pregnant with my youngest daughter - and completed that year - never going back. It was apparent to us then that no job I would get could even pay the costs of daycare so I postponed any idea of working outside of the home. Turns out that it was a very good decision because a year later we ended up adopting our almost 4 year old niece when my sister passed away. She was high needs having been born addicted to drugs and living a pretty hellish life until her mom, my sister died from a drug overdose. It was important to me that I was available to her and all our kids as they transitioned within our changing family dynamics. I was coaching then, but didn't realize it.

When all of the kids were in school, I started my own home-based businesses. I had a word-processing business, tried Amway, became a distributor of health and nutrition products and grew an organization of about 1500 distributors who I trained and worked with over the phone - people all over the US. It was very fulfilling and I was closer to my original vision of myself, except that I was working from home. The best part of the job was the people. I loved inspiring, motivating and cheering them on in their own endeavors! These businesses eventually died out though. In fact the health and nutrition business was one that I was heartbroken about leaving behind, but the founder of that organization was arrested for fraud from a previous business endeavor and I ended up walking away before it was publicly announced. I couldn't continue to represent a company in which the founder was capable of such things! That was a huge disappointment, yet also was serious growth for me in learning how to work for myself and be profitable at it. Yet, I was devastated enough at the time that I decided to go to work outside of the home. I needed to feel grounded in some way again. The kids were all in school full-time now so the timing was good.

I went to work as an activities director at a local nursing home - very rewarding actually. My good friend who had completed her nursing degree convinced me to try it. I loved working with the elderly and people struggling with Alzheimer's. Many had no family to visit with them. I loved to hear their stories and making them feel good. I know that I brought joy and light to some of these people, but what I got in return was priceless. Turns out this was the most rewarding job I ever had, but I still yearned to work for myself so I could have the flexibility I desired around my kid's chaotic schedules of sports & music events, etc.

After about 6 months at the nursing home, I was then introduced to a woman who helped me land a nice state job working with teachers of the deaf & hard of hearing, visually impaired and autistic children as well as occupational and physical therapists. Strange that I was now using both the nursing skills & business education in this new position. The beauty of this was that the schedule was based on the school schedules so I now could be home whenever my kids were - including spring break and summers off. I did this for 6 years up until my youngest was a junior in high school. I also worked for a short time taking care of an elderly woman (her daughter was my daughter's teacher at the middle school) during the summer months until she finally had to go into a nursing facility due to increasing dementia. Funny how one thing just automatically led to another at just the right time. I still yearned to have my own business though. I was constantly looking for the right opportunity.

In the fall of 2004, we were in the process of selling our home - which took 3 weeks from the time we put a sign in our yard until closing - when a new Realtor came by to introduce herself and see if we needed her assistance. She seemed so excited with her new career and I had to know what was required to become a licensed Realtor. After all, I had just sold my own home fairly simply... how hard could it be right? I learned later how hard it could be, but suffice it to say I was intrigued enough to go get my license and practiced real estate over the past 4 years.    What I loved about the job was the systems, the flexibility, the professionalism, but mostly teaching others. What I hated about the job was that it was hard to remain excited about the industry with the current economy. People can be very difficult & high stress during the home buying or selling process. I often felt helpless to alleviate their fears in this economic downturn we were experiencing in the housing industry. I was in the middle of serious depression and feeling as if this was no longer a healthy career choice for me.

I want to help people in a way that is meaningful in a more profound way. Now I am starting my new career as a life coach. Many arrows pointed me in this direction over the years - I know that I am in the right place at just the right time. All I have learned and am learning has brought me to this place. YOU University came into my life at the most desperate of times in my search for ME. I am blessed to have FINALLY discovered who I am and what my calling is. I have been coaching for as long as I can remember - in many walks as mother, business owner, assistant... I have been training my entire life to be a Life Coach and now am finally going to live my passion!     

Click here to watch a beautiful movie created by my amazing life coach, Maia!

Superwoman? Remember Self-Care!

Part of my constant learning is around my tendency to be a workaholic and play the "Superwoman" in all areas of my life. I tend to go on a tangent and forget to be self-caring.

Somewhere along the line I got this idea in my head that "anything worth doing was worth doing well" and took it to literally mean that I had to live, breath, eat and sleep whatever I decide needs to be done well. Whether it is in work, taking care of my family and/or friends... What I end up doing is sabotaging my own health and then crash. It's like I forget that I'm only one person or something!

The truth is, if I simply listen to my body and what it is telling me, I know what I need and feel better for taking care of myself. I also reap the benefits of more focus, energy and enthusiasm to carry me through the many things I want to accomplish instead of feeling exhausted or depressed or anxious and not really getting anywhere with the tasks at hand.

I see that I am not the only woman to fall into this trap. As women, often times we think we need to be "everything to all people" and put ourselves last on our list of "To Do's". What a terrible burden we put on ourselves!

I have to remind myself regularly that I am just as important as everything and everyone else I care about. I truly cannot be effective at any one thing when I spread myself too thin. It serves no purpose to be unhealthy, unfocused and totally stressed out by trying to take care of everything and everyone else's needs before my own. In fact, it has the opposite effect and causes unnecessary harm for me and for others!

I have learned the importance of putting myself first. It is in doing so that I CAN be more efficient wherever I choose to put my focus and energy. When I get my needs met, physically-emotionally-spiritually, it becomes much easier and less stressful to accomplish the things I want to do. The beauty is, the people around me reap the benefits of a happier, healthier me too!

Choose to take care of yourself first!!

My Growing Emotional Intelligence

My Emotional Intelligence was based on fear as a little girl.  Fear of being hit, molested, belittled, ridiculed... fear of watching my siblings being abused.. fear of hearing violence.  I learned very quickly that it was okay for me to smile and laugh, but not okay to be sad or angry or any other emotion really.  To even hint at one of these was the best way to get more of what I feared. 

It stands to reason that I would learn how to stuff these 'undesirable' emotions and to sweep them under the rug.  I carried the pain of that burden through to my relationships with my friends, my classmates, my husband, my co-workers and my children.  To say that I came to YOU U with no self-esteem, no self-love, lots of guilt & shame, pent up anger and bitterness...  that is an understatement!!  I did not know who Gina was - not even a clue. 

Thus my reason for searching and finally discovering YOU University.  To proudly admit that I have learned my value, my self-worth, my gifts by using the tools which taught me how to express these emotions in a healthy and constructive way is a Fact and a BLESSING!   And even better, to learn how to LOVE myself and find FORGIVENESS in myself and in others is PRICELESS.  This program has changed my view of life and transformed me from a seriously depressed, anxious shell of a woman into the woman I was born to be.  For that, I am eternally grateful!

Words... Let Them Empower YOU!

I am feeling so blessed!  I realize, after reading this week's topic, that the conversations I have been having with myself and people around me have been very empowering.  I remember that not so long ago I had such a negative dialogue going on all the time!!   My self-talk was filled with "should" and always questioning myself in such a demeaning way... I spent precious time worrying about what others thought of me and allowed people to walk all over me and take advantage of me... I saw a bleak future and didn't appreciate the here and now... The list could go on and on!!

Lately, I began to take real notice of the things I was telling myself and it's been very important to me to listen to myself and correct any negative dialogue going on.  I can see that it ABSOLUTELY HAS made an impact on my moods, my conversations with others, my ability to attract what I desire into my existence!

I am so grateful that I have been given the tools I now have whenever I start to tell myself that "I can't" do something or that "I should" do something.  These statements brought me nothing.  When I consciously tell myself that I CAN and I WILL along with my focus to attract more of what I want and dismiss that which I don't want or no longer need... well the possibilities are limitless!

Since starting YOU University and choosing to focus on positive self-talk, I have gained:

1. a better, more amazing marriage
2. a job which is in better alignment with who I am and what I want to accomplish.
3. the confidence in myself that I thought I would never see.
4. the ability to set healthy boundaries.
5. the tools that have taught me how to love myself.
6. true friendships with people who value the REAL ME.
7. JOY, HEALING, and soooo much more!

This is no accident. I know that it is true that what we speak comes to life - both good and bad. I choose good!