This morning I'm feeling very somber. You know how there are just days you really absorb what you are surrounded by? Some days (most now) I can just let much of it be background noise as I focus on whatever is in front of me moment to moment, and other days I am completely absorbed in the outer influence and very sensitive physically & emotionally by what my mind & body are taking in by my surroundings.
I recognize that my sensitivity started last night. I was happily working on my computer when David walked in after his day of work. I was thrilled he was home and yet a bit distracted as I was in a "groove" and wanted to complete the project I was working on. He decided to turn on the TV and immediately I heard that Robin Williams had passed - likely a suicide. Suddenly, as if I had just learned my own family member or close friend died, I realized that my body was tensing up and I noticed that I had formed an inability to swallow. Then the tears started. I was wracked with grief! My mind was telling me that this reaction was pretty dramatic, I mean this was not a member of my family or anybody close to me and yet I was having the very same reaction I might if it were my best friend or family member or any person I was close to. I was very aware how suddenly my entire body and mind sort of snapped from being calm and peaceful and happy to experiencing real grief.
I managed to calm myself, but couldn't shake the strong reaction and then a bit later David was sharing an old photo of himself, his brother, a few other men in his family and his father who passed away not long after that photo was taken. It's a wonderful photo and David smiled and shared some memories of that time in his life, very excited and proud. My heart was overcome by his joy of his young childhood memories and the little girl in me wanted to share the same, so I opened an old box of photos I had not looked in for many years. As soon as I saw the first picture of myself as a little girl, I was again struck with a deep sadness. This photo triggered something inside.
Were the pictures associated with too many hard memories? Possibly. Was it in hearing about Robin Williams dieing which set off memories and that familiar grief of having lost so many of my own family? Death seems to be the prevailing theme... I am working on just allowing the feelings and noticing what my mind is saying and how my body is reacting. It's quite amazing how one incident can trigger such emotion and set into motion more of the same. Law of attraction? I really think I would prefer attracting something more positive!
I best get to working on moving through these feelings of grief so that I can focus on the things I want to attract more of! This journal entry is a good first step. Next, I think I'll write a Love Letter to Death and put him to rest for a while. Then a gratitude list to move my feelings into a happier place. I can feel the tension slowly easing knowing I have these tools to use. Whew, I'm sure glad for that! There was a time in my life I would have wallowed in the hard feelings for way too long not knowing there was a way to work through them and into feelings of joy and gratitude and love. I'm so grateful I have YOU University tools!!
Today was my last day working at the real estate office. Real Estate is an industry I've been working in for several years now - first as a Licensed Realtor, then as an Executive Assistant for a local lender, then as the Administrative Assistant for a title and escrow company, and finally back to the real estate office as an Executive Assistant /Transaction Coordinator for a real estate team. It's what I've been good at - assisting others in this industry doing the marketing, organizing events, coordinating transactions from a-z (scheduling inspections, ordering reports, working with plumbers, roofers, inspectors, county offices, clients, etc), assisting in the preparation of legally binding contracts and much more. The thing is, this was NOT my PASSION. I never woke up excited to get to the office. I couldn't find joy in doing this each day and I grew stronger in my belief with each passing day just knowing I would have to change this quickly or be miserable. Well I don't know about anybody else, but if I am to be authentic and real - I have to choose to live my life doing what I have passion for!
I have always known that I was meant to accomplish something meaningful. What I had been doing in the various places of employment never felt "meaningful" in a way that made me feel really great or inspired me. Yet that IS who I am... a woman who finds great passion in helping others on a far deeper level - in a way that FEELS meaningful. My jobs actually prevented me from doing what I am passionate about - and that is helping empower people by lifting their spirits and showing them how to love themselves and their lives! I am a natural emotion-based life coach, not a secretary! To sit in a small office and stare at a screen with little to no opportunity to be with people in person and on a personal level was really beginning to dull my senses and frustration was eating me from the inside out.
I voiced my concerns to my sweetheart and to my family, friends and fellow life coaches multiple times. Each tried to encourage me in one way or another and I was being stubborn! I wasn't even sure EXACTLY why, though I had strong inklings about my reasons. I began to ask myself some really important questions around this and slept on it and stewed about it and prayed about it... the big questions being:
1. Are you going to be happy doing what you're doing forever?
2. Are you going to love your work where you're at?
3. Are your bosses going to allow you to make your own schedule and work with the people you want to and be paid to do what you love?
and MOST importantly:
4. Are you being completely authentic with yourself and others if you don't choose to do what you know is the right choice for you???
Ummm NO, I clearly had to admit to myself!!! And after all of that internal banter, I finally decided to allow myself to state simply "I'm going to do what I am PASSIONATE about!" I laid it out there to everyone my intention to let go of my fears and do my life-coaching full time. I know this is the best way to honor who I am and to honor my higher power - to be completely authentic. I cannot allow what anybody else thinks define who I am. I cannot allow fear of the unknown to prevent me from striving towards that which I am passionate about any more. I know that this is where my true success in life is going to come from. No more denying it.
So BRING IT UNIVERSE! I am ready to live my life passionately and will be successful because of it - this I know. Sure does feel great!
Tell me... What are you passionate about?
