LOVE ~ the most amazing 4 letter word in the Universe. It is a language we all understand and could never be too full of!
I love my husband because he is my best friend, my lover, my support and my rock. We have been married for 27 years - since I was just barely 18 and he just 20 years old. We have grown together and have experienced many highs and many lows, but always with the understanding that our marriage will always be important enough to work hard at. He is the father of our kids and the grandfather of our granddaughter and grandson-to-be. I am blessed to be his wife.
I love each of my adult kids for different reasons. Let's just say that they are all a peice of my heart walking outside of myself but forever attached to my very being.
Each of them is an amazing person that I truly feel blessed to have had the honor of being "Mom" to. I am lucky enough to have them all close to me and feel great about my relationship with 3 of them right now. The 4th will come around when she is ready, I'm sure!
Angela is my oldest. She is 25 and married to a wonderful young man, Geoff, she met in the Navy. They have a little girl, Audrey, who is 20 months old and a baby boy due in June. I am always amazed at her intuition & insight and am proud of the mommy she is to Audrey. I admire her for being able to be so outspoken and honest. She plans to work in the medical/business field when her kids are in school and is working on her bachelors degree online with her GI Bill.
Brandon is 24 and has taught me about perseverance, hard work, and forgiveness. I am forever learning from him in ways that always surprise me and humbles me as well. He has had many life lessons himself recently and is just beginning to 'start over' at this point. I am proud of the young man he is becoming after all he's been through because of bad decisions in the past. And he makes me laugh so hard with his sense of humor!!
Alicia is our adopted daughter (neice who we adopted when she was 4). She is 23 now. She is creative, beautiful and very independent. Her eye for art and ability to take what she sees and paint it onto a canvas is incredible! I believe I still have much to learn from her. We don't see her or hear from her much these days which breaks my heart, but I know that she has many lessons of her own to discover right now. She truly is trying to 'find' herself and has her own journey.
My youngest, Mandi, is 19 and trying out independence. I really am proud of her. She has always been the quiet, contemplative one in the family. She is determined to be independent and works full time. She is an animal lover and went to a pet grooming academy for a year before getting her job at a local "Doggie day care". She amazes me with her patience and gentle way.
It was so much fun and so much craziness and stress when they were all teenagers, but I do miss that chaos at times!
I have great love for many co-workers & friends who help define me and remind me of the person I am outside of being a wife and mother. They cheer me on professionally & personally, laugh with me for no apparent reason, cry with me when life throws a curve and pray with me whenever we feel the need.
I love my life coach and the amazing ladies who have joined with me on the most incredible journey I've ever had the priviledge to discover... my wise fairy godmother and beautiful friends-in-deed. We share conversations and feelings with each other that others may not care to hear about or understand. I am undeniably grateful and blessed by them.
I love the work I am doing right now to heal from old wounds and to build up and empower the person inside that I was created to be. I love the lessons learned by the many times I have fallen which have helped me to become who I am today. I love the friends who have come and gone in my life for the same reason. I love myself more with each day that I awaken to the real me. :)
Could there ever be too much love on this planet? I think not. I am excited to get this wonderful topic to journal about this week!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
What Do I Want?
As I seek to define my purpose, I am reminded of a list I recently wrote to myself when asked "What Do You Want?" I will share it here. Perhaps within this list is the beginnings of discovering my true purpose.
What do I want?
I want to be filled with God, light, energy and Love
I want to earn an income sufficient so that David can retire early if he chooses to do so.
I want to leave a legacy of positive energy and love.
I want to write my life story and what I have learned to give my family.
I want to help others learn WHO they truly are, to become empowered and to love themselves.
I want to sing in a choir and become involved with music in my community.
I want to enjoy more time traveling, and in nature.
I want to travel to Ireland, Italy, and the tropical vacation resorts around the world.
I want to be able to support myself and feel independent for my own personal gratification and fulfillment.
I want to love myself unconditionally.
I want to forgive my father, mother, and others who have hurt me in the past, but especially to forgive myself.
I want to share the love of God.
I want to live near my children and grandchildren and be there for them emotionally when they need me to be.
I want to live my life of passion and purpose.
I want to break the cycles of abuse and dysfunction I received as a child.
I want to encourage my children and grandchildren to love themselves and their lives and to be happy.
I want to be grateful for all I've learned in life and give thanks to God for each and every blessing.
I want to be healthy ~ physically, spiritually and emotionally.
Since writing this list, I am already beginning to see some of these items happening for me. It is my work through You U which has made the difference. I can now focus on what my purpose truly is ~
What do I want?
I want to be filled with God, light, energy and Love
I want to earn an income sufficient so that David can retire early if he chooses to do so.
I want to leave a legacy of positive energy and love.
I want to write my life story and what I have learned to give my family.
I want to help others learn WHO they truly are, to become empowered and to love themselves.
I want to sing in a choir and become involved with music in my community.
I want to enjoy more time traveling, and in nature.
I want to travel to Ireland, Italy, and the tropical vacation resorts around the world.
I want to be able to support myself and feel independent for my own personal gratification and fulfillment.
I want to love myself unconditionally.
I want to forgive my father, mother, and others who have hurt me in the past, but especially to forgive myself.
I want to share the love of God.
I want to live near my children and grandchildren and be there for them emotionally when they need me to be.
I want to live my life of passion and purpose.
I want to break the cycles of abuse and dysfunction I received as a child.
I want to encourage my children and grandchildren to love themselves and their lives and to be happy.
I want to be grateful for all I've learned in life and give thanks to God for each and every blessing.
I want to be healthy ~ physically, spiritually and emotionally.
Since writing this list, I am already beginning to see some of these items happening for me. It is my work through You U which has made the difference. I can now focus on what my purpose truly is ~
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Healing The Past
Posted recently in my All About Life Coaching Journaling Community:
As I work through Building 4 in You University, I am slowly growing in my ability to find the gifts and blessings in all of the negative junk in my past. What I am noticing is that I am feeling lighter and lighter in releasing the 'old story'. I am learning to look at my life in a whole new light and it feels so great!
An example of this is that for so many years I felt like I was bad, stained, unworthy of real love. I had internalized the physical, emotional and sexual abuse I endured as being something I didn't stop and therefore must have deserved. I had been telling myself that if I was good and worthy of real love, this would not have happened to me. I was punishing myself for something that truly was not my fault. This was my old story... What gifts or blessings did I find in this?
Well, there are so many really! I have learned how to be empathetic and understanding towards others who have experienced childhood traumas similar to mine. This makes me approachable and I feel I have a gift for communicating and helping others in a very positive and loving way.
I am stronger for having endured and for having recognized that I could stop the patterns of abuse that had been handed down for generations. It has made me a much better mother for having the courage to look for better role models to pattern my parenting skills after. I learned to recognize the difference and fought to protect my family from the patterns of abuse I had endured. I learned that not every man was abusive and learned to trust again.
The blessings and gifts are really too many to list, but I admit that when I first started this assignment, it was a HUGE stretch for me to look beyond the victim role and find anything positive from the abuse I experienced. What I discovered is that by persisting to find those gifts, I began to notice that it began to snowball. In other words, I discovered a gift, one small thing, and it made me realize another, then another and so on... By finding the gifts and blessings, I was blessed with finding more & more!
Amazing healing has occured for me by being able to find the gifts rather than focusing on the toxic negative part of my experience. I am now beginning to notice that these painful memories are starting to have much less negative impact. I am truly putting the victim to rest!! Woohoo!!
An example of this is that for so many years I felt like I was bad, stained, unworthy of real love. I had internalized the physical, emotional and sexual abuse I endured as being something I didn't stop and therefore must have deserved. I had been telling myself that if I was good and worthy of real love, this would not have happened to me. I was punishing myself for something that truly was not my fault. This was my old story... What gifts or blessings did I find in this?
Well, there are so many really! I have learned how to be empathetic and understanding towards others who have experienced childhood traumas similar to mine. This makes me approachable and I feel I have a gift for communicating and helping others in a very positive and loving way.
I am stronger for having endured and for having recognized that I could stop the patterns of abuse that had been handed down for generations. It has made me a much better mother for having the courage to look for better role models to pattern my parenting skills after. I learned to recognize the difference and fought to protect my family from the patterns of abuse I had endured. I learned that not every man was abusive and learned to trust again.
The blessings and gifts are really too many to list, but I admit that when I first started this assignment, it was a HUGE stretch for me to look beyond the victim role and find anything positive from the abuse I experienced. What I discovered is that by persisting to find those gifts, I began to notice that it began to snowball. In other words, I discovered a gift, one small thing, and it made me realize another, then another and so on... By finding the gifts and blessings, I was blessed with finding more & more!
Amazing healing has occured for me by being able to find the gifts rather than focusing on the toxic negative part of my experience. I am now beginning to notice that these painful memories are starting to have much less negative impact. I am truly putting the victim to rest!! Woohoo!!
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