Speaking Your Emotional Truth

I have been working through Relationship YOU - this will be the 3rd time for me personally.  I like to occasionally go back through the programs I have been certified to coach in for continued growth and learning as I believe we never truly "Arrive" but rather "Strive to Arrive".  Anyway, today I had one of those "AHA" moments of clarity regarding relationships and speaking your emotional truth which I feel compelled to share.  


It's interesting when I look back at what I wrote over 3 years ago when I went through the program!
The exercises are excellent to come back to. In doing so this time around, I can now see clearly that I took necessary action in divorcing my ex-husband after all the work I had done to speak my emotional truth with him. So much was dredged up for us - memories both in my mind and my body allowed me to finally do what was best for us both. We just did not know what we didn't know!  I carried false beliefs throughout my marriage about myself that I was unaware of until I began my transformational journey through YOU University.

To face up to all I had been holding on to, own up to my responsibility in it, and recognize the damage that had truly occurred over 29 years... oh wow!  Needless to say, we knew that our time together had served its purpose for us and it was time to move on. We could not salvage our relationship because it was based on a false ME - not who I truly was.  That reality was unclear to me and completely unknown to him until I began to discover my true self through YOU University and allowed myself to finally speak my emotional truth.  In the end, I knew I could not expect to change him - he WAS real, had spoken his emotional truth, and I honor and respect who he is. I just realized he was not the person I could be married to any longer - even though I still see him as one of my very best friends.  If it weren't for all I did to heal, we may both have continued to live our lives married - but unhappy, unfulfilled and not truthful to ourselves. 

When I began to awaken to the real me, I knew the man I had married was actually in love with the person I was NOT. Difficult and harsh - but true.

I am still working on healing that wounded child inside while now in a whole new relationship. This time, however, I am able to voice what is going on immediately, speaking my emotional truth, and my boyfriend David is able to see the "real me" early in the relationship - rather than years and years later when all I had swept under the rug finally came to light!  

This is the very first relationship I have had that is based on my feeling whole and authentic. What is wonderful about it all is that I don't doubt how he feels about me like I did with my ex - because I won't wonder if it is the "real me" he loves or the Gina I tried to be to please him, something I did my whole life. It's an eye opener for sure!

Learn to speak your emotional truth.  Don't sweep issues under the rug and hold your feelings inside.  Let others get to know the authentic person you truly are.  It's the most loving thing you can do for yourself and the people you love.

Be Patient

I awoke this morning feeling very heavy, yet aware. I have been in such a state of denial and calling it resistance! I have been undermining my own worth. I have been putting off getting my course created, writing for my blog, creating articles and more. Even as I type this, I am distracted by an incoming text and notifications from FB friends! I recognize this clearly and have been using tools to process my feelings to get to the root. Thankfully, writing love letters, finding the gift, gratitude lists, mirror exercise, pyramid of power and more have given me some clarity that feels good and honoring of who I am.

I know that my business is valuable, beyond measure, so what gives? I believe I have narrowed it down through a process of elimination... It's not that I don't believe in the value of what I have to offer. It's not that I am incapable of writing or creating. It's not about feeling in competition with anyone. It's not a fear of failure or success. I am open to receiving and love that I am attracting the right clients at the right time! I have accepted that it truly is about timing and feeling prepared to present. It is ME - my authentic self!
For some time, I realize, I have been looking at what other people are doing in their businesses and asking in the back of my mind HOW are they getting so much accomplished so quickly? How did they start? How did they know what to prioritize? Etc.... I began to sell myself short - saying to myself that I just am not as organized, not as business-savvy, blah, blah, blah...

What I realize is that, in order for me to feel good and not rushed or stressed or overwhelmed, I am postponing things on purpose. I decided to step back and take the time I need for self care, exploration, to slow things down in such a way that I can really put a meaningful business plan into effect. What I had written as a business plan when I started coaching no longer fits where I am today. It has needed revamping for a couple of years now actually. I guess I thought I could "wing it" without a written business plan or goals with dates. I am now owning up to the fact that I personally need this kind of accountability to myself. So recently I have been reading, watching videos and writing lists of what I need to do to make things flow in a way that is pleasing to me. It isn't on other people's time and really, that's OK! I was attempting to force myself to work in a way that I felt would be pleasing to those I see as being real "go-getters" and was exhausting myself trying to set unrealistic limits on myself. I was not honoring my own capacity and instead was trying to live up to someone else's standards of success.

It feels very good to come to this awareness. I had been feeling "out of sync" for a while and really not able to quite put a finger on what was going on - other than feeling not so productive in the marketing of my business. What I realize is that I have, in fact, been very productive for my purposes and can now clearly see that by my taking the time to create a good business plan, I am well on my way to creating exactly what I picture my business to look like. That feels awesome! Just because others may not see that things are happening or progressing as they might envision it to look like from the outside, doesn't mean that what I am doing now won't manifest into that in powerful ways. I believe it will!

 

This morning I'm feeling very somber.  You know how there are just days you really absorb what you are surrounded by?  Some days (most now) I can just let much of it be background noise as I focus on whatever is in front of me moment to moment, and other days I am completely absorbed in the outer influence and very sensitive physically & emotionally by what my mind & body are taking in by my surroundings.   

I recognize that my sensitivity started last night.  I was happily working on my computer when David walked in after his day of work.  I was thrilled he was home and yet a bit distracted as I was in a "groove" and wanted to complete the project I was working on.  He decided to turn on the TV and immediately I heard that Robin Williams had passed - likely a suicide.  Suddenly, as if I had just learned my own family member or close friend died,  I realized that my body was tensing up and I noticed that I had formed an inability to swallow.  Then the tears started.  I was wracked with grief!  My mind was telling me that this reaction was pretty dramatic, I mean this was not a member of my family or anybody close to me and yet I was having the very same reaction I might if it were my best friend or family member or any person I was close to.   I was very aware how suddenly my entire body and mind sort of snapped from being calm and peaceful and happy to experiencing real grief.  

I managed to calm myself, but couldn't shake the strong reaction and then a bit later David was sharing an old photo of himself, his brother, a few other men in his family and his father who passed away not long after that photo was taken.  It's a wonderful photo and David smiled and shared some memories of that time in his life, very excited and proud.  My heart was overcome by his joy of his young childhood memories and the little girl in me wanted to share the same, so I opened an old box of photos I had not looked in for many years.  As soon as I saw the first picture of myself as a little girl,  I was again struck with a deep sadness.  This photo triggered something inside.  

Were the pictures associated with too many hard memories?  Possibly.  Was it in hearing about Robin Williams dieing which set off memories and that familiar grief of having lost so many of my own family?  Death seems to be the prevailing theme...  I am working on just allowing the feelings and noticing what my mind is saying and how my body is reacting.  It's quite amazing how one incident can trigger such emotion and set into motion more of the same.  Law of attraction?  I really think I would prefer attracting something more positive!  

I best get to working on moving through these feelings of grief so that I can focus on the things I want to attract more of!  This journal entry is a good first step.  Next, I think I'll write a Love Letter to Death and put him to rest for a while.  Then a gratitude list to move my feelings into a happier place.  I can feel the tension slowly easing knowing I have these tools to use.  Whew, I'm sure glad for that!  There was a time in my life I would have wallowed in the hard feelings for way too long not knowing there was a way to work through them and into feelings of joy and gratitude and love.  I'm so grateful I have YOU University tools!!

What Are You Passionate About?

 

Today was my last day working at the real estate office.  Real Estate is an industry I've been working in for several years now - first as a Licensed Realtor, then as an Executive Assistant for a local lender, then as the Administrative Assistant for a title and escrow company, and finally back to the real estate office as an Executive Assistant /Transaction Coordinator for a real estate team.  It's what I've been good at - assisting others in this industry doing the marketing, organizing events, coordinating transactions from a-z  (scheduling inspections, ordering reports, working with plumbers, roofers, inspectors, county offices, clients, etc),  assisting in the preparation of legally binding contracts and much more.  The thing is, this was NOT my PASSION.  I never woke up excited to get to the office.  I couldn't find joy in doing this each day and I grew stronger in my belief with each passing day just knowing I would have to change this quickly or be miserable.  Well I don't know about anybody else, but if I am to be authentic and real - I have to choose to live my life doing what I have passion for!

I have always known that I was meant to accomplish something meaningful.  What I had been doing in the various places of employment never felt "meaningful" in a way that made me feel really great or inspired me.  Yet that IS who I am... a woman who finds great passion in helping others on a far deeper level - in a way that FEELS meaningful.  My jobs actually prevented me from doing what I am passionate about - and that is helping empower people by lifting their spirits and showing them how to love themselves and their lives!  I am a natural emotion-based life coach, not a secretary!  To sit in a small office and stare at a screen with little to no opportunity to be with people in person and on a personal level was really beginning to dull my senses and frustration was eating me from the inside out.

I voiced my concerns to my sweetheart and to my family, friends and fellow life coaches multiple times.  Each tried to encourage me in one way or another and I was being stubborn!  I wasn't even sure EXACTLY why, though I had strong inklings about my reasons.  I began to ask myself some really important questions around this and slept on it and stewed about it and prayed about it... the big questions being:
1.  Are you going to be happy doing what you're doing forever?  
2.  Are you going to love your work where you're at?  
3.  Are your bosses going to allow you to make your own schedule and work with the people you want to and be paid to do what you love? 
and MOST importantly:
4.  Are you being completely authentic with yourself and others if you don't choose to do what you know is the right choice for you???

Ummm  NO, I clearly had to admit to myself!!!   And after all of that internal banter, I finally decided to allow myself to state simply "I'm going to do what I am PASSIONATE about!"  I laid it out there to everyone my intention to let go of my fears and do my life-coaching full time.   I know this is the best way to honor who I am and to honor my higher power - to be completely authentic.  I cannot allow what anybody else thinks define who I am.  I cannot allow fear of the unknown to prevent me from striving towards that which I am passionate about any more.  I know that this is where my true success in life is going to come from.  No more denying it.

So BRING IT UNIVERSE!  I am ready to live my life passionately and will be successful because of it - this I know.  Sure does feel great! 

  

Tell me... What are you passionate about? 

I'm back!!! Look how much has changed in my world!

Hey I'm back!  Yes, I have taken an eternally long time off from blogging but am happy to say I am going to make a valid attempt to start again!  Since my last blog, my whole world has changed and I can honestly say I'm not sure where to begin to share all that has happened without writing a book, literally!  So I will just kind-of outline my life in the last couple of years and how I created a new life because of my experience and journey to confidence through YOU University.  Thank you Maia Berens - for coaching me and supporting me all this time.  I could never have created this life I have now without your love & your program!

• I got a divorce after 29 years of marriage to a really great guy AND it was a mutual decision and has been quite an experience that we have both learned and grown from.
• I moved in to my own place for the very first time in my life and became self supporting.
• I gained a new grandson!  My granddaughter, Audrey, is now 4 1/2 and my grandson is 2 1/2.
• I was blessed with the right jobs at the right time through a super life changing time - now I've worked for a lender, a title company and currently am back to working at Re/Max as an Executive Assistant for an awesome real estate team.
• I managed to find love with a man who I knew in high school but had not seen since.  We met up at a class reunion-type gathering and literally went gaga from the moment we looked at each other from across the room!  Within months we were living together.
• I have learned how to go from being very much a planner to living more spontaneously and loving it (even though I fight it because it's not what I've ever known!)
• I lost many friends through the divorce but now have gained many new friends and a new "family" with my boyfriend, David.  (Oh did I forget to mention that he has the same name as my ex-husband?)  I love to give people something fun to chat about!   
• I now live in a farm house learning all about the lifestyle of farmers, ranchers, and truck drivers (David's occupation) - it's actually so much fun and also quite a HUGE difference from the life I'd always known living in town.  NOTE:  It's also the lifestyle I always dreamed about and wanted to learn more about & experience.

So much more has happened and I will most likely share in future blogs.  You could say that I literally turned my life around because of the shift that took place in me as I went through YOU University - learning how to honor myself and face my fears.  I learned how to have confidence in ways I didn't even realize were possible.  And with each new day, I am rediscovering who I was born to be & learning more and more how to be authentically me.  I am so blessed and so grateful!

Wouldn't you like to take your own journey to confidence?

My YOU University Experience

Before I discovered Maia and YOU University I had been doing a lot of soul searching and really trying to figure out just who I am and what I really wanted in my life. I felt like I was hanging on to the edge of a cliff by my fingernails and that if “something” didn’t change for me soon, I wasn’t sure I could stand it or if I wanted to even bother anymore. I had been feeling this great sense of loss and confusion for a very long time, but especially for the most recent couple of years after having experienced a complete nervous breakdown. I would say that this was my very lowest point emotionally, physically and spiritually and that it was taking me a very long time to recuperate from that breakdown. It was sort-of a combination of mid-life, empty nest syndrome, major life-transition STUFF. I was buried in it.

After lots of counseling just following the breakdown, working very hard on making my marriage work after an affair, finding my faith in a Higher Power again and slowly regaining some dignity and strength, I found a program based on the Law of Attraction. The founder of this program asked me to assist her in launching her new business as she was transferring from California to Oregon and was completely new to the area. It felt good for me at the time because I needed to have purpose and I really was drawn to what she was teaching about The Law of Attraction. I had been reading and researching The Law of Attraction and was inspired and excited about it. I discovered though, that the principals were not working for me – no matter how I applied myself. Something was missing. I didn’t like the way I felt when the founder would ask me a question and after sharing my thoughts, if they were at all negative, she would tell me to stop right there. She told me that nothing in my past mattered in the least… she didn’t want to hear my story at all. She said that all that mattered was to attract what I want NOW. Although part of this rang true for me because I certainly did not want to dwell on negative thoughts (which is what came up automatically for me because of my past), her words made me feel very small and insignificant as a person. When she told me to ‘stop’ sharing my story, the words cut like a knife. The last thing I wanted or needed was to feel even worse about myself than I had already been feeling! I knew I had to keep looking for something that would help me to get beyond where I was so I could allow myself to get to where I wanted to be!!

My whole life seemed to rest on whatever I could find that would help me move beyond all the pain, shame, fear, grief, and anger that had built up in me over all my life. I wanted to like myself, to find some semblance of good in myself and my life! I truly struggled to see anything good or right and the “happy, good moments” were much too short lived. I was so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired! I was craving something, anything… I just wasn’t sure what that was exactly.

That’s when I discovered the journal engine through a post I read on Facebook and began to share with ‘virtual strangers’ some things I had not been able to share with anyone, other than my counselor before. I read the other member’s journals and started to feel really comfortable on the site. I began to really explore the entire site and loved what I was reading about YOU University. I had to know more and contacted the coach whose post on Facebook drew me to the journal engine. She answered my questions and suggested I speak with the founder, Maia Berens, a woman she completely admired and was excited to refer me to.

There was something about this program that spoke to me. It was as if it was written just for me and I loved The Three Magic Secrets movie. What I read and heard from Maia spoke to my heart and appealed to my senses. I couldn’t stop talking about it with my husband and my kids… I was feeling an excitement I had not felt in a very long time. After my call with Maia, I knew I didn’t want to wait any longer to begin this journey and my husband supported that decision – as long as I was willing to find a way to pay for it. I decided I would work part time to pay for the program and apply whole-heartedly in my efforts to heal and to find myself.

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Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free - a free self-help ebook!

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As I started going through the exercises, I began to learn new ways to deal with emotions I had always tried to escape from or cover up. Accepting that Life is a School was a big AHA for me and learning powerful tools to use when I started to resist or feel ‘stuck’ in emotions slowly began to change my entire perspective. A couple of the most profound tools for me – tools I will continue to use for life are the MONSTER Letters, LOVE Letters and the Find-the-Gift Exercises. Writing my ‘life story’ in the way it was done and referring back to it throughout my journey was HUGE. What I discovered is that the story, as I wrote it, has evolved for me. I moved out of the victim mentality I had taken on as a little girl and carried with me my whole life, from an infant to a 45 year old woman!! I learned the power of gratitude, of having friends-in-deed, of forgiveness. I would never have believed I would ever be able to say that I truly forgive my father for the abuse my family and I endured at his hands – physical, sexual and emotional abuse. I certainly never even realized that the person I most needed to forgive was ME! I learned to love myself just as I am and to accept the little girl inside who needed to be accepted and nurtured for who she was all along. I learned that I had no reason to be ashamed for my past, for not knowing what I didn’t know. I learned to view my father and others who had ‘victimized’ me in a new light as well!

I also learned the importance of setting healthy boundaries. To be self-loving created a whole new mindset and allowed me to take off the ‘rose-colored’ glasses, be completely real and be okay with that. I have so much more respect for MYSELF and it allows me to be a better wife, mom, friend and co-worker. I discovered who my true friends are and who I needed to leave behind too. I learned that I DO want to be healthy and absolutely deserve to be! I learned that I AM valuable as a person and that my passion is to help others discover their own value. 

I made the decision to put my real estate career behind me for good, quit working the part time job that supported me through YOU University and to make my passion a reality. I am now a full-time life coach and very excited about this decision!

This journey saved my life, literally. I love Maia and her beautiful, life transforming, emotion-based coaching program - YOU University! I am very proud to represent YOU University as a life coach. I have seen, first-hand, my life and the lives of others completely shift and transform. It is a beautiful thing!

Gina Bendel, YOU University Life Coach

My past work experience & learning have led me to exactly where I am meant to be...

When I look back over the many "hats" I've worn in the working world, the first thing that comes to mind is "WOW, I sure was reaching out to find ME!" I remember when I was in high school and about to graduate, I envisioned myself as a 'corporate executive type' meaning I saw myself working in a big city, high rise building, dressed to the 'nth', large and in charge! I always envisioned making a difference in a major way somehow... I didn't consider that I lived in a small town, worked at a pizza parlor, relied on my boyfriend for transportation... I was a big dreamer and I didn't know my own worth.   

Well, I turned down an opportunity and a scholarship to a great university the minute my boyfriend proposed to me and decided, then and there, that my career was to be a great wife and focus on starting a family instead! (Who needs a college education or career? I was in love you know!)

I did get married, shortly after graduation and barely 18. I quit my job at the pizza parlor because it interfered with the plans David & I had to spend every possible second together! I went to work making a 'home' out of David's bachelor pad and put my energy towards starting a family - our first was born almost 2 years in to our marriage. I put all my energy into being Mom and did this full time until my 2nd child was almost 3 - then I was going stir crazy to do something "For ME" and decided to go back to school because one of my best friends was going to do that. We figured we could carpool and go through the nursing program together. David worked nights so he stayed home with the kids. Perfect!

Having 2 toddlers and going to school full time took it's toll. The nursing program wasn't a fit for me after all. I loved the idea of helping people and thought it would be a noble career, but I couldn't deal with the chemical fumes in the lab and the intensive courses in Anatomy & Physiology on top of the general ed requirements PLUS taking care of 2 little ones was more than I could really handle. Turns out I could use most of the general ed (such as microcomputers, speech, and accounting) towards a business degree which I knew, already, that I would excel in. The load was much lighter and I enjoyed the courses. And though I couldn't convince myself that I was capable of any more than this, I had no problem convincing my friend that she was perfectly capable and spent a lot of time helping her with her homework and studying for exams. She did get her nursing degree, by the way!

I realize now the blessings - I may not have decided to go back to school at all if it had not been for my friend choosing to go - thus the biggest reason for choosing nursing. My real skills were in business and I still did have the picture of myself in the corporate world in some capacity or another. Seemed the perfect solution at the time. So I attended for almost 3 years then discovered I was pregnant with my youngest daughter - and completed that year - never going back. It was apparent to us then that no job I would get could even pay the costs of daycare so I postponed any idea of working outside of the home. Turns out that it was a very good decision because a year later we ended up adopting our almost 4 year old niece when my sister passed away. She was high needs having been born addicted to drugs and living a pretty hellish life until her mom, my sister died from a drug overdose. It was important to me that I was available to her and all our kids as they transitioned within our changing family dynamics. I was coaching then, but didn't realize it.

When all of the kids were in school, I started my own home-based businesses. I had a word-processing business, tried Amway, became a distributor of health and nutrition products and grew an organization of about 1500 distributors who I trained and worked with over the phone - people all over the US. It was very fulfilling and I was closer to my original vision of myself, except that I was working from home. The best part of the job was the people. I loved inspiring, motivating and cheering them on in their own endeavors! These businesses eventually died out though. In fact the health and nutrition business was one that I was heartbroken about leaving behind, but the founder of that organization was arrested for fraud from a previous business endeavor and I ended up walking away before it was publicly announced. I couldn't continue to represent a company in which the founder was capable of such things! That was a huge disappointment, yet also was serious growth for me in learning how to work for myself and be profitable at it. Yet, I was devastated enough at the time that I decided to go to work outside of the home. I needed to feel grounded in some way again. The kids were all in school full-time now so the timing was good.

I went to work as an activities director at a local nursing home - very rewarding actually. My good friend who had completed her nursing degree convinced me to try it. I loved working with the elderly and people struggling with Alzheimer's. Many had no family to visit with them. I loved to hear their stories and making them feel good. I know that I brought joy and light to some of these people, but what I got in return was priceless. Turns out this was the most rewarding job I ever had, but I still yearned to work for myself so I could have the flexibility I desired around my kid's chaotic schedules of sports & music events, etc.

After about 6 months at the nursing home, I was then introduced to a woman who helped me land a nice state job working with teachers of the deaf & hard of hearing, visually impaired and autistic children as well as occupational and physical therapists. Strange that I was now using both the nursing skills & business education in this new position. The beauty of this was that the schedule was based on the school schedules so I now could be home whenever my kids were - including spring break and summers off. I did this for 6 years up until my youngest was a junior in high school. I also worked for a short time taking care of an elderly woman (her daughter was my daughter's teacher at the middle school) during the summer months until she finally had to go into a nursing facility due to increasing dementia. Funny how one thing just automatically led to another at just the right time. I still yearned to have my own business though. I was constantly looking for the right opportunity.

In the fall of 2004, we were in the process of selling our home - which took 3 weeks from the time we put a sign in our yard until closing - when a new Realtor came by to introduce herself and see if we needed her assistance. She seemed so excited with her new career and I had to know what was required to become a licensed Realtor. After all, I had just sold my own home fairly simply... how hard could it be right? I learned later how hard it could be, but suffice it to say I was intrigued enough to go get my license and practiced real estate over the past 4 years.    What I loved about the job was the systems, the flexibility, the professionalism, but mostly teaching others. What I hated about the job was that it was hard to remain excited about the industry with the current economy. People can be very difficult & high stress during the home buying or selling process. I often felt helpless to alleviate their fears in this economic downturn we were experiencing in the housing industry. I was in the middle of serious depression and feeling as if this was no longer a healthy career choice for me.

I want to help people in a way that is meaningful in a more profound way. Now I am starting my new career as a life coach. Many arrows pointed me in this direction over the years - I know that I am in the right place at just the right time. All I have learned and am learning has brought me to this place. YOU University came into my life at the most desperate of times in my search for ME. I am blessed to have FINALLY discovered who I am and what my calling is. I have been coaching for as long as I can remember - in many walks as mother, business owner, assistant... I have been training my entire life to be a Life Coach and now am finally going to live my passion!     

Click here to watch a beautiful movie created by my amazing life coach, Maia!

Superwoman? Remember Self-Care!

Part of my constant learning is around my tendency to be a workaholic and play the "Superwoman" in all areas of my life. I tend to go on a tangent and forget to be self-caring.

Somewhere along the line I got this idea in my head that "anything worth doing was worth doing well" and took it to literally mean that I had to live, breath, eat and sleep whatever I decide needs to be done well. Whether it is in work, taking care of my family and/or friends... What I end up doing is sabotaging my own health and then crash. It's like I forget that I'm only one person or something!

The truth is, if I simply listen to my body and what it is telling me, I know what I need and feel better for taking care of myself. I also reap the benefits of more focus, energy and enthusiasm to carry me through the many things I want to accomplish instead of feeling exhausted or depressed or anxious and not really getting anywhere with the tasks at hand.

I see that I am not the only woman to fall into this trap. As women, often times we think we need to be "everything to all people" and put ourselves last on our list of "To Do's". What a terrible burden we put on ourselves!

I have to remind myself regularly that I am just as important as everything and everyone else I care about. I truly cannot be effective at any one thing when I spread myself too thin. It serves no purpose to be unhealthy, unfocused and totally stressed out by trying to take care of everything and everyone else's needs before my own. In fact, it has the opposite effect and causes unnecessary harm for me and for others!

I have learned the importance of putting myself first. It is in doing so that I CAN be more efficient wherever I choose to put my focus and energy. When I get my needs met, physically-emotionally-spiritually, it becomes much easier and less stressful to accomplish the things I want to do. The beauty is, the people around me reap the benefits of a happier, healthier me too!

Choose to take care of yourself first!!

My Growing Emotional Intelligence

My Emotional Intelligence was based on fear as a little girl.  Fear of being hit, molested, belittled, ridiculed... fear of watching my siblings being abused.. fear of hearing violence.  I learned very quickly that it was okay for me to smile and laugh, but not okay to be sad or angry or any other emotion really.  To even hint at one of these was the best way to get more of what I feared. 

It stands to reason that I would learn how to stuff these 'undesirable' emotions and to sweep them under the rug.  I carried the pain of that burden through to my relationships with my friends, my classmates, my husband, my co-workers and my children.  To say that I came to YOU U with no self-esteem, no self-love, lots of guilt & shame, pent up anger and bitterness...  that is an understatement!!  I did not know who Gina was - not even a clue. 

Thus my reason for searching and finally discovering YOU University.  To proudly admit that I have learned my value, my self-worth, my gifts by using the tools which taught me how to express these emotions in a healthy and constructive way is a Fact and a BLESSING!   And even better, to learn how to LOVE myself and find FORGIVENESS in myself and in others is PRICELESS.  This program has changed my view of life and transformed me from a seriously depressed, anxious shell of a woman into the woman I was born to be.  For that, I am eternally grateful!

Words... Let Them Empower YOU!

I am feeling so blessed!  I realize, after reading this week's topic, that the conversations I have been having with myself and people around me have been very empowering.  I remember that not so long ago I had such a negative dialogue going on all the time!!   My self-talk was filled with "should" and always questioning myself in such a demeaning way... I spent precious time worrying about what others thought of me and allowed people to walk all over me and take advantage of me... I saw a bleak future and didn't appreciate the here and now... The list could go on and on!!

Lately, I began to take real notice of the things I was telling myself and it's been very important to me to listen to myself and correct any negative dialogue going on.  I can see that it ABSOLUTELY HAS made an impact on my moods, my conversations with others, my ability to attract what I desire into my existence!

I am so grateful that I have been given the tools I now have whenever I start to tell myself that "I can't" do something or that "I should" do something.  These statements brought me nothing.  When I consciously tell myself that I CAN and I WILL along with my focus to attract more of what I want and dismiss that which I don't want or no longer need... well the possibilities are limitless!

Since starting YOU University and choosing to focus on positive self-talk, I have gained:

1. a better, more amazing marriage
2. a job which is in better alignment with who I am and what I want to accomplish.
3. the confidence in myself that I thought I would never see.
4. the ability to set healthy boundaries.
5. the tools that have taught me how to love myself.
6. true friendships with people who value the REAL ME.
7. JOY, HEALING, and soooo much more!

This is no accident. I know that it is true that what we speak comes to life - both good and bad. I choose good!

More on friends

Speaking of friends...  This beautiful photo was taken by one of my Facebook friends, Bill Van Velzer, who lives in Oregon.  His photos and artwork are so beautiful!

I am really excited about this coming week! I get to start out my Monday morning meeting for breakfast with a really talented, beautiful friend of mine. Marnie always has something exciting to share and is instrumental many times in getting my creative juices going! She is the marketing director for a local title & escrow company as well as a local artist and I just love her energy and enthusiasm for her work and for her friends. It will be a great start to my busy week.

On Thursday I will be meeting for lunch with another of my real estate friends that I got to know when I was at Re/Max. He is funny and intelligent and down to earth. I am looking forward to catching up with him. It's been a few months already since we have seen each other. He had asked me to be a part of his real estate team some time ago and, although I elected to pursue other endeavors, he has been very supportive and encouraging to me - he is one of my greatest fans. :)

Friday I will be going to the coast with 5 other lady friends to stay at a beautiful little ocean front cabin for the weekend. It's been a couple of years since I've enjoyed a 'ladies retreat' so I am really excited about it. 

I am sure there will be beach combing, shopping at all of the little bay-front stores, great food, wine and lots of laughter. I feel incredibly blessed to have friends to have asked me to join them on 

this excursion!

Upon returning from our little retreat, I will be heading directly to a local pizza parlor where I have reserved a room for 30 guests and, along with one of my daughter's good friends, will be throwing my daughter a baby shower. It will be fun because it is husbands & children included. Angela will be having our 2nd 

grandchild at the end of May / early June. 

His name will be Logan.    

So much to look forward to!!!

Choosing Healthy Relationships

I spent some time over the past couple of days "un-friending" people on Facebook and it felt really good! I had been thinking about it for a while and realized that it was long overdue. Time to 'clean house' you could say! I noticed that many 'friended' me as a potential referral and I had done the same for a time. Some of these have become great business 'partners' and we do refer to each other; some started up chats with me and we ended up really enjoying each others 'company.' I choose to keep these networking friends.
 

But there were many that I either never heard from or discovered over a period of time that I didn't particularly 'like' due to the things they wrote about. Some, I believe, were only interested in constantly trying to sell me something and some only wanted more friends to play online games with. These 'friends' served no purpose, so they were easy to 'un-friend'.

Funny, I really have taken a good, hard look at the people I surround myself with lately... even online. What I have discovered is that I really do have many great friends!!

I thought about lots of 'mini' conversations that have taken place over the last several months with my online network of friends and realize that each of them inspires me in some way. After meeting online and over a period of time, I created some really great 'working' relationships with so many from all walks of life and have had the privilege of finally meeting many of these amazing people in person. I truly feel blessed.

I am pleased with my ability to be true to myself, set my personal boundaries, and simply enjoy the friends I want to surround myself with. It is worth every moment of self-reflection I have done to know that the friends I choose to keep are truly worthy of my time and energy.

Meet my amazing life coach and mentor Maia Berens. 

Are you building healthy relationships?

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Click here and watch the Three Magic Secrets Movie for free - a free self-help ebook!

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My Friends-In-Deed

So interesting... I just happened to complete an exercise about friends... who in my circle are friends-in-deed - as well as those I have let go because they are toxic in my life.

It is so true that we can become "who we associate with". I am proud to say that I have done much work in this area over the last year or so. I had to let go of a couple of friendships as well as family ties that were literally sucking the life out of me. What I am left with, instead, are my TRUE friends... the ones I know would be there for me in the good times and the bad, just as I would be there for them in a heartbeat!

There was a time that I had such a low self-esteem I really allowed my 'friends' to walk all over me. "Friends" I have known almost my entire life, as well as a couple I had known for a shorter period of time, who I allowed to take advantage of me regularly and who left me drained with their negativity. They are now simply acquaintances I am polite around if I happen to see them. I didn't want to admit any of this when I first realized it either. I just wanted so badly to be their friend and went out of my way to please them. This was very self-defeating on my part.

Don't get me wrong... these are wonderful people. It just became obvious that I was not as important to them as I believed they were to me.

I got to a point in my life where I began to value myself enough to take a good, hard look at these "friends" & family members. I realized that I was better off without them. Friends don't ignore your calls and leave you hanging until they need something. Friends rejoice in your blessings and lift you when you are down.

The friends I have 'let go of' were not this kind of friend. They were mostly self-absorbed. You know, it was always about their needs, their pain, their problems, their negativity. I could meet with one of these friends and start out feeling very cheerful and glad to see them but in just a short time would notice that I suddenly felt weary, drained, down... No amount of 'cheerfulness and positivity' was going to make a difference for these naysayers. I worked too hard to keep them uplifted and in the process fell into their pit of despair. TOXIC, to say the least!

I choose to surround myself with people who really love me. I choose to have mutually satisfying relationships with people who inspire me & encourage me & are honest with me when I need them to be. These people expect the same from me and I gladly reciprocate.

By making the conscious decision to choose my close circle of friends and family, I honor myself. The others are still in my life from a distance, by my choice. I still love them - but I no longer allow them to suck the life out of me. I choose to relate to them differently - for short periods of time and on a less intimate basis.

Learn more about this amazing journey through YOU University and start journaling for FREE today!

What I've Learned So Far Through You University

I had been searching for quite some time before finding You University. I had spent years feeling out of control and not knowing how to express my feelings in a healthy way. My way of 'dealing' was by sweeping things under the rug, pretending that everything was fine, until I would blow up. The way I blew up was by going into deep depression mode. This up and down stuff was taking over my very being. I would stuff things and that would cause my body to shut down literally. I would get to where I was crying uncontrollably, would not be able to eat, could not sleep... I had serious anxiety over everything.

Since starting You U, I have learned how to process my emotions in a loving, constructive way through Love Letters, Monster Letters, the Find the Gift exercise, Gratitude lists and my Friends in Deed. I have learned to recognize signs early on by my physical feelings and can now begin the process of self-love and using the tools before things get so out of control.

I have learned how to communicate more effectively - especially the communication I have with MYSELF. I am learning to love myself again... the REAL me, not the person I always thought I had to be for someone else. That's HUGE.

I have gone from feeling hopeless and unworthy to happy, hopeful and thrilled with the woman I am becoming.

Possibly one of the greatest gifts I have received by going through You University is in learning tools to FORGIVE. For me, to be able to say that I forgive my father for having abused and sexually molested me from the time I was a baby until I was 15... well who would ever think that was possible? I can never forget, of course, but I understand that there were elements of his life that had never been healed - and lessons that he came into my life to teach and to learn. I have forgiven him. But most importantly, I have forgiven myself. Forgiven myself for carrying so much hatred and hurt for so long, for holding on to deep shame and grief. I truly believe that I am a better person for the experiences I have had and that I have so much to offer others who are struggling with the same kind of shame and pain and guilt. I am very grateful for that.
 

Forgiveness and Self-Love

I have been working in Building 7 now in You University.  The focus at this point is on Forgiveness.  The work I am doing at this point has been so profound for me I just really feel compelled to share.  Here is what I wrote in the discussion forum: 

Well, I have only written the positive things I learned from my dad so far and I am brought to tears.  Tears of joy and relief and love and forgiveness!  What an amazing, powerful tool!!  I am excited to get going and write about the positives I have learned from everyone on my original "Resentments" list.  I see so clearly the healing in this exercise for my spirit.  I see that there is positive learning I can attribute to every person I have ever met in my life.  I feel as if I have knocked a one-ton chip off my shoulders!! 

How can I ever say thank you enough for this program?  I have spent so many years working towards finding this kind of emotional freedom - this acceptance of who I am and from where I've come.  I can't imagine what could possibly be next on this journey!! 

I can't believe just how giddy I am right now!  I am actually enjoying this process as I write more and more positive things about all the people and institutions I listed on my Resentments list.  Seriously, I find myself grinning from ear to ear and on the verge of giggling as I complete each one.  I would never have thought this exercise would bring me such peace and joy!  I love it!!  Wow, the power of forgiveness, especially forgiveness of MYSELF is a heady and spiritual experience for me.  

I truly am blown away with this program and the changes I am experiencing in myself.  If you want to learn more, please email me @ ginabendel.lifecoach@gmail.com and I will be happy to answer any questions you may have. 

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My New Set of Eyes

I had such an enjoyable Friday night with family, but it could have been less so if I still had the mindset I had before starting my journey with You University!

Before I started working with Maia, I had such a toxic internal dialogue going on when it came to certain family members. Whenever there was going to be a family gathering, I would literally feel sick in my gut and in turmoil emotionally. It would take so much out of me that I would be exhausted. Typically, things would turn out just fine, but there was so much history that I had not learned to deal with and I would experience such greif, shame, and anger for things in my family's past, I couldn't see anything positive about having to get together with these people! In fact, it would take several days after such a gathering for me to "pull myself back together again" because it was so draining.

Since starting my life coaching with Maia and You U, I have learned how to process these negative emotions using Love Letters and the Find the Gift tool. I now take responsibility for my feelings and internal dialogue. Instead of dreading seeing these family members, I can now look forward to visiting with them, opening myself up to learning more about who they are and what makes them tick. It's actually very freeing because I know I have the choice to do this. I could simply avoid them, but what I really want is to develop relations with them coming from my new perspective.

Needless to say, it is with a "new set of eyes" that I met up with some of these family members last night. I thoroughly enjoyed my time with them. The things that seemed to be so problematic for me before just were not an issue. I am so grateful for learning what I have and applying the 3 Magic Secrets in my life. I just love this journey through You U and all that is happening for me because of it!

You, too, can:

• Expand your love and your acceptance of who you are
• Discover the REAL you
• Learn to forgive yourself and others
• Learn to let go of shame & guilt

Learn more about You University Here

What is Heaven?

From my recent journal entry on All About Life Coaching Dot Com   I was asked to write about my thoughts on "Heaven".   If you would like to hear the song I refer to, click here.

When I think of "heaven" it reminds me of a song by Mercy Me that I sing joyfully and which chokes me up every time.

"I can only imagine what it will be like when I walk by Your side.
I can only imagine what my eyes will see when Your face is before me.
I can only imagine...I can only imagine.

(chorus): Surrounded by Your Glory,
What will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus,
Or in awe of You be still?
Will I stand in Your Presence,
Or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing Hallelujah -
Will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine... I can only imagine...

I can only imagine when that day comes
And I find myself standing in the Son.
I can only imagine when all I will do,
Is forever, forever worship you...
I can only imagine. (repeat chorus)"

Such a powerful song!

When I envision my heaven, I feel no pain, no stress, no worry, no hunger, no thirst for anything ~ I will feel only pure, unconditional LOVE, peace and joy. I imagine feeling as if I have come home, finally, and can rest in eternal bliss and warmth and light.

I see myself surrounded by all the souls I've known throughout the life I've just experienced and throughout eternity. I envision perfect beauty ~ God's creation, not man-made. Awe-inspiring, breathtaking beauty, more beautiful and magnificent than anything I've seen here on earth.

I believe that my experience will be unique to me ~ the Utopia that only I could ever create. I will SEE more clearly like I've never seen and always wanted to, KNOW more fully like I've never known and always wanted to, FEEL more deeply like I've never felt and always wanted to and LOVE more intensely like I've never loved but always wanted to.

This will be a place especially created for me, from my own eternal deep desires and creativity within. A precious gift given by my Creator. Too perfect, too beautiful, too delicious for words.

Finding Serenity... How Can I Quiet My Mind?

From my All About Life Coaching journal written on Friday, 3/11/11:

So truth be told, I was the happiest, most alive person I encountered today!  

This morning started out with a little task I promised myself I would do right away to 'clear the mental junk'. I took a notepad and jotted down every single thing that just popped into my mind. Ugh, simply amazing how much this head of mine holds in terms of random thoughts at any one time ~ no wonder I struggle with quieting it so that I can gain any focus or clarity!  Lol

Anyway, I had mentioned that I was struggling with this recently and feeling like it has been a monumental task to feel 'serene'. My coach Maia suggested I give the above a try and record what I experienced by doing so.

What I experienced after about 10 minutes of this exercise was the mental capacity to think clearly! I felt peaceful and self assured. How easy is that? Loved it and will be doing more of it for sure. I had been in the habit of writing lists which certainly helped in the process of getting my mind decluttered, but this was even better. By the time I got on to our group call this morning, I felt re-energized and ready to absorb more!

The call, of course, was fabulous ~ empowering, enlightening and affirming as usual. On our call today I learned that I need to trust my intuition more and just jump in when my gut tells me to rather than simply wait for 'my turn'.

The rest of my day, so far, has been filled with household to-do's which I didn't feel the need to procrastinate any longer. Felt productive and accomplished and joyous to have the energy and mindfulness to get things done. Now I am enjoying some time to journal and listening to my husband and son chatting away while they cook a spaghetti dinner for us. I feel very happy, very alive in the present. Gotta love it!

Zest For Life

I love to spend time with my 21 month old granddaughter Audrey. She is filled with joy and exudes happiness, excitement and love of life. It is quite contagious and I honestly wish that I could spend more time with her because of the way she makes everyone around her feel.

She is no different, really, than all little people that age. Just spend time really observing these little ones who can remind us of all that is right and good in this world! Oh to have that enthusiasm and zest for the simplest things!

Just watching her react to the world around her is priceless. Recently we had the opportunity to spend an afternoon with Audrey and I think the smile I wore was stuck like glue the entire time we were with her! It's funny actually, my cheeks were really tender the whole next day!

Audrey is at the age where she copies literally everything she sees and hears. She was looking out the picture window and saw a group of people standing outside talking. She was so animated as she pretended she was actually a participant in that group. She carried on a full-fledged conversation complete with nods of the head, laughter when she noticed they were laughing, hand gestures - the whole gambut. It was so sweet and hilarious to watch!

Love - Gotta Love It!

LOVE ~ the most amazing 4 letter word in the Universe. It is a language we all understand and could never be too full of!

I love my husband because he is my best friend, my lover, my support and my rock. We have been married for 27 years - since I was just barely 18 and he just 20 years old. We have grown together and have experienced many highs and many lows, but always with the understanding that our marriage will always be important enough to work hard at. He is the father of our kids and the grandfather of our granddaughter and grandson-to-be. I am blessed to be his wife.

I love each of my adult kids for different reasons. Let's just say that they are all a peice of my heart walking outside of myself but forever attached to my very being.

Each of them is an amazing person that I truly feel blessed to have had the honor of being "Mom" to. I am lucky enough to have them all close to me and feel great about my relationship with 3 of them right now. The 4th will come around when she is ready, I'm sure!

Angela is my oldest. She is 25 and married to a wonderful young man, Geoff, she met in the Navy. They have a little girl, Audrey, who is 20 months old and a baby boy due in June. I am always amazed at her intuition & insight and am proud of the mommy she is to Audrey. I admire her for being able to be so outspoken and honest. She plans to work in the medical/business field when her kids are in school and is working on her bachelors degree online with her GI Bill.

Brandon is 24 and has taught me about perseverance, hard work, and forgiveness. I am forever learning from him in ways that always surprise me and humbles me as well. He has had many life lessons himself recently and is just beginning to 'start over' at this point. I am proud of the young man he is becoming after all he's been through because of bad decisions in the past. And he makes me laugh so hard with his sense of humor!!

Alicia is our adopted daughter (neice who we adopted when she was 4). She is 23 now. She is creative, beautiful and very independent. Her eye for art and ability to take what she sees and paint it onto a canvas is incredible! I believe I still have much to learn from her. We don't see her or hear from her much these days which breaks my heart, but I know that she has many lessons of her own to discover right now. She truly is trying to 'find' herself and has her own journey.

My youngest, Mandi, is 19 and trying out independence. I really am proud of her. She has always been the quiet, contemplative one in the family. She is determined to be independent and works full time. She is an animal lover and went to a pet grooming academy for a year before getting her job at a local "Doggie day care". She amazes me with her patience and gentle way.

It was so much fun and so much craziness and stress when they were all teenagers, but I do miss that chaos at times!
I have great love for many co-workers & friends who help define me and remind me of the person I am outside of being a wife and mother. They cheer me on professionally & personally, laugh with me for no apparent reason, cry with me when life throws a curve and pray with me whenever we feel the need.

I love my life coach and the amazing ladies who have joined with me on the most incredible journey I've ever had the priviledge to discover... my wise fairy godmother and beautiful friends-in-deed. We share conversations and feelings with each other that others may not care to hear about or understand. I am undeniably grateful and blessed by them.

I love the work I am doing right now to heal from old wounds and to build up and empower the person inside that I was created to be. I love the lessons learned by the many times I have fallen which have helped me to become who I am today. I love the friends who have come and gone in my life for the same reason. I love myself more with each day that I awaken to the real me.    :)

Could there ever be too much love on this planet? I think not. I am excited to get this wonderful topic to journal about this week!